Monday, November 28, 2011

Skyward Sword Chapter 2: Over the River and Through the Woods, to Zelda's House We Go!

So, I ended my last post needing to go find the bird expert guy, because apparently he knows something about what happened to my Loftwing. I found him with Clown Kid in front of the sparring arena. Yay, I know where this is heading!

Oh, so he overheard their dastardly plans. Too bad he failed at sneaking out of the room, and then was too much of a wimp to tell on Groose.

After I was done talking to Clown Kid (my Loftwing is hidden somewhere near a waterfall, apparently) they sent me into the sparring hall to get a sword, because apparently I was going to need one where I was going. So, I went and talked to the sparring master, who sent me to the back room, where I found a chest...

...containing a sword!

Yay, they brought back the happy pose from Wind Waker. Never mind the fact that the sword is only "fairly" sharp! Yay, let's go chop some things up!

Before I could leave, though, I had to do some swordfighting practice (predictably). Here's a blurry picture of me in the practice hall.

I had to chop down various logs using my sword at different angles to slice through their weak spots. Easymode! Okay, let's go.

Hey, a Gossip Stone! I mean, a "Sheikah Stone." It's been a while since I've seen one of those! I wonder if they'll have any kind of explanation for these things or if they'll stay a mystery like in Ocarina of Time.

After I was done gabbing with the stone, it was time to make my way to the aforementioned waterfall. Here I am on the way there.

When I got to the entrance of the cave, it was blocked by some pesky spikes, which I promptly chopped down with my sword.

Just before I went into the cave, I had a tiny little vision of my Loftwing, locked up! How dare they?! I must save the Loftwing, who apparently doesn't have a name! So I pressed on and made my way through the cave, which contained Keese and some weird goo creatures that I can only assume are Skyward Sword's version of ChuChus. While I was in the cave, I found a green Rupee!

Yay! Not sure why I needed my whole game to stop to find out that crucial piece of information, but whatever!

At long last, I exited the cave, expecting to see my bird...but instead, Zelda swooped up on her Loftwing, looking confused. Apparently some disembodied voice was trying to talk to her. What, you too? Well, at least now Link knows he's not crazy. Or maybe Zelda's the one who's crazy. Either way, Zelda urged me to lead the way to where my Skywing was presumably being held captive. And sure enough...

It took a couple of seconds, but eventually I realized I had to use my sword to chop through the ropes at the ends of the planks in order to free my Loftwing, and....success!


Am I the only one who thinks Link looks sorta like Michael Jackson? There's just something about his face. Well, anyway, I should probably fly to the Wing Ceremony...

Oh, wait, hold on, Zelda's getting all introspective on me.

Well, I wouldn't be a very good resident of Skyloft if I hadn't...

Yay, cool, we'll find out just as soon as the plot dictates we should, etc. etc. Now let's fly!


After I flew around for a bit, Zelda (presumably just shouting from the back of her Loftwing) had me put the bird through his paces "to make sure he wasn't injured" (read: to make sure I don't make an idiot of myself during the race). I had a little trouble with the steering at first until I realized you just have to tilt your wrist to make the bird change direction. After that, yay! We made our way to the platform where everyone else was waiting for us. Groose, of course, had some choice words to say before everything got started.

Shut your face, Groose. By the way, your hair is still stupid.

"Be with" Zelda? Well, then.

DERP! Hahahaha.

Does that look like innuendo to anyone else? Well, maybe it's just me. Okay, well, moving right along...

.............Okay then.

*sigh* Okay, Groose, you can stop fantasizing about Zelda now. Just do us all a favor and don't turn around for the next couple of minutes.

Oh, but wait, Zelda and I have finally arrived!

Presumably Groose had no real answer for this, because I don't have a picture of it and I can't remember what it said. Oh well. Time to (finally!) start the ceremony!

Yay, let's finally get this show on the road! Our goal in the race was this: chase the yellow bird in the above picture, who has a little bird statue tied to him, and the first person to get the statue wins. Woo!


After all the pomp and circumstance was over, it was time to start the race! Here I am standing on the platform like a moron while everybody else sprints to the edge!

The next 15 minutes consisted of me awkwardly flying around on my bird, going the wrong direction most of the time, and somehow I managed to get close enough to grab the statue...


And then his buddies started throwing eggs at me. What a bunch of jerks. So I flew around for a few more minutes, still going the wrong direction most of the time, and finally managed to get within reach of the yellow Loftwing a few times, whereupon I discovered you have to actually press A to catch the statue once you get close enough. LAME. But at long last, I managed to snatch victory!

Victory is mine! Woo! So Zelda flew over to congratulate me, and everything got weird again for a second, presumably because she was hearing the disembodied voice again. But then everything went back to normal, and we flew to the goddess statue to do our thing.

Then she sang her little song again, and when she was done, she started unlacing her top...I mean, taking off her shawl. Nintendo, you guys are such teases! But it turns out her shawl was really a Sail!

I'm not sure why it's called a Sail when I'm pretty sure we won't be doing any sailing in this game, but whatever! It's mine now!

Uhhhh...okay then.

Are they going where I think they're going with this?

No way...

I had to use Google-fu to find the next picture, because I didn't take a picture of it for some reason.


OH, COME ON. They were totally going to...oh, come on. Nintendo, you guys are such horrible teases! She practically shoved her boobs in his face! Ugh. So anyway, I had to jump off the statue. My objective was to land in the very center of the emblem on the ground below, which was harder than it looks. A lot harder. I pancaked myself into the ground no less than five times. Ugh. But at long last, I managed it.

Yeah, she's just saying that to be nice.

So, after the ceremony was over, we decided to go for a nice flight together. Yay! And at the end of it...

Yes? Yes? What is it? Hurry up and tell me! Oh...wait...what is that coming at us? Some kind of goofy yellow tornado? Oh, crap, Zelda's Loftwing is caught in it and she just fell off...oh noes!!

Well...that's just weird.

Oh no, we're falling and I can't grab Zelda! Noooooo!!!


And then I woke up.

Sadly, this wasn't a terrible dream. Just the last few minutes of it, when I saw Zelda falling into the mouth of that giant toothed creature from the beginning of the game. Scary! But at least her dad was there to comfort me.

He asked if Zelda had acted weird that day, to which I could honestly say "yes" because of the whole disembodied-voice-talking-to-her thing. Then he said I needed to rest when I tried to get up (to go find her, obviously) and told me to sleep before he left. But right after he shut the door, I heard a mysterious noise just outside. So I followed it, and...

Spooky! It's the weird girl I saw in my dream five minutes ago! She must be important. I'd better follow her.

...And follow her I did, because she led me on a wild goose chase through the academy and over pretty much all of Skyloft. I had to use some of my crazy acrobatics to keep up with her, and then in the middle of it all, I encountered THIS.

It's Gaepora's cat, and it's PISSED OFF for some reason. The dang thing attacked me right after I took the picture! Then it got all scared and cowered for a while, so I picked it up, and then it launched itself at my face again. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it, so finally I left it alone and kept chasing the girl. Finally the wild goose chase ended when she floated around to the back of the goddess statue.

Whoa, she phased through the wall! Although, come to think of it, that wall looks more like a door than a wall...and then the door disappeared. Woo! I could go inside the statue! So I did, and found THIS.

For a second I thought it was the Master Sword and got all confused. No, this only looks like a scene I've already done a million times before.

Before I could take the sword, however, the weird girl showed up and started talking to me.

Ugh. Will you stop talking about destiny already? You're making me all self-conscious.

Nice to meet you, Fi. Now get out of my way so I can get the sword.

I had to invert the controller in order to grab the sword and pull it out of the pedestal. I'm still not sure if it was cool or just lame. I'm thinking lame.

But whatever! I got me a cool sword.

Look! It's Zelda's dad.

A handful of words? Like, "Garble garble garble?" Haha.

I'm calling it now: Fi starts out as a cold, inhuman dispenser of facts and eventually turns into a lovable girl who actually cares about Link, only to get turned into the Master Sword.

Also, what's the deal with the goofy camera angles when they show her? It's like they're trying to be all artistic.

So, Fi babbled on about the prophecy and how the dumb humans got it all wrong and and the chosen hero would be the coolest guy ever, etc. etc., and then she gave me a broken piece of rock with an emerald on it.

Okay, I admit, it's more than just a piece of rock. Somehow it has the ability to pierce a hole through the clouds so I can get down to the surface and search for Zelda! Cool!

The first thing I had to do was perform a Skyward Strike on the bird crest at the back of the room. After I did that, it rose up in the air and revealed a pedestal for me to put the tablet piece on.

So, I plunked the tablet in its display case, and a green beam of light punched a hole through the clouds. Neat!

And then, apparently, the night was almost over, so I had to go sleep for a while so I could be ready to start my adventure. And the next morning...

Yay, I got my Knight's Clothes! I'm the hero! This looks really familiar for some reason! On with the show!

Gaepora advised me to visit the town bazaar, then left to go do his thing. On my way out of the Academy, though, Clown Boy stopped me and gave me a present.

I think he's trying to make up for not telling me about my Loftwing getting stolen, but whatever. Yay, I have a pouch to store my stuff in! Thanks, Clown Boy!

I heard through the grapevine that Groose was refusing to leave his room, so before I left I stopped by to gloat about my victory.

Stop whining, guy. Your hair is still stupid, by the way. You're just a big dumb jerk who was so afraid of my chances in the race that you kidnapped my bird just to get ahead. Jerk.

Seriously, what is this guy's deal? It's like he' it in for me...or something...oh, man, if Groose turns out to be some sort of stupid nickname that's short for another name that starts with G, I'm going to be so pissed...

Well, anyway, it was time to take off for The Surface. Here we go!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. Let's go!

My Loftwing abandoned me and flew off right before I went through the hole in the clouds. So, he pretty much abandoned me to fall to my death. Awesome. Good thing I had my parachute Sailcloth. Also, that hole in the clouds looks like somebody punched through the clouds with a cookie cutter. Awesome!

So, anyway, I fell to my death...

...I mean, my Sailcloth-enabled safe landing... find myself standing next to a giant hole in the ground.

Cool. Well, let's go explore and see what we can see.

It looks like an old mine. But that thing at the bottom doesn't look like any treasure I'd want to grab.

When I got close to the edge, another cutscene started. Like I said, that is a deep hole.


Okay, back to what I was doing. I could see a door in front of me, but as I was heading over to it, I happened to notice something on the crumbling building's ceiling...

Hmm. I suspect that the Skyloft island used to be here, hence the giant hole in the ground. Well, let's keep moving, shall we?

I couldn't get through the door in front of me because it had been sealed, and the only other place I could go was the bottom of the giant hole. So I slowly made my way down there. I couldn't help but notice that there were weird little holes in the ground scattered around, but there didn't appear to be anything I could do with them, so I kept moving. Clearly their purpose will become clear when the plot calls for it.

At the bottom (finally), I found something vaguely resembling a sword stuck in the ground, with ominous-sounding black stuff wafting out of the hole. It talked to me, for some reason.

Uh, okay then. You're not some kind of evil creature trying to trick me into freeing you, are you? Because if you are, I'll be really pissed.

After I hit the...thing, the black smoke went away and air started blowing out of the little holes in the ground. Of course, being an idiot, I ran all the way back up the ramp instead of using the air holes plus my Sailcloth to float back up, but whatever, I'll remember it for my next playthrough.

Do you always repeat the obvious whenever you first say something? Seriously, she's like what's-her-name from Galaxy Quest.

She went on to say that she was detecting some type of aura that correlated to Princess Zelda, and that I could find her by doing something called "dowsing." I am not a big fan of dowsing. It just seems stupid. But whatever.

Cool. So, uh, how does this work exactly?

Uh, okay. it's been done before. Oh well. I dowsed for Zelda's aura, and it led me in the direction of the door that was previously sealed. When I got to the door, it magically unsealed itself, so I headed inside, and this is what I found:

Cool, a temple. And there was a...lady? waiting for me at the top of the stairs.

Nice, uh, hat.

Oh, great. Is this the first temple? You might as well tell me so I can get it over with.

So...temple? Do I need to take a bathroom break before I keep playing? Actually, if this is a dungeon, I'll just shut the game off and play some more later. Give me information, woman! I don't care about beacons!

Okay, well, that was helpful. I guess this isn't a dungeon (yet). Let's move on now. I've gotta find Zelda!

So the weird lady sent me through another door that led outside. Yay, it's a pretty forest! But there was a Goron up ahead being tormented by Moblins! I had to save him.

The Goron went on to introduce himself, but I can't remember his name. He said he was some kind of historian, and started babbling about Skyloft and how, "its buildings are made of gold! An endless spring of mystical water feeds a river through the place. One sip of that stuff, and you live forever!" Yeah, okay. You just keep thinking that, buddy. I decided to move on and leave him to his fantasizing, but only after he told me the statue he was standing next to is some kind of save statue like the bird statues on Skyloft, and somehow I activated it just by standing close to it. Woo! Okay, moving on. I finally entered Faron Woods!

But there was no sign of Zelda. Oh noes!

DUH. Okay, let's go. I decided to do some exploring, and eventually I came across this thing. When I first, it was being attacked by some Bokoblins. I think. Maybe it was hiding in a tree and I knocked it down, I can't remember. Anyways, it was afraid of me at first and kept hiding behind the giant mushrooms that were everywhere, but eventually I managed to confront it.

Yay! It's a...It's a "Kikwi." Are these things some kind of precursor to the Kokiri? So the Kikwis evolve into the Kokiri, and then the Kokiri evolve into the Koroks? Because that's...interesting, to say the least.

Okay, seriously. Really? This is Fi? She does this? Really? Ugh.

After Fi was done babbling, the Kikwi whose name I've already forgotten told me he'd seen Zelda, and told me the direction she went, which was confirmed by the dowsing. So, I kept moving through the forest, and eventually found another Kikwi.

But there was still no sign of Zelda. I was perplexed. Fortunately, Fi actually had something useful to say.

Machi was at least helpful, though, and told me where to find the Kikwi elder, who apparently was with Zelda. So, I continued through the woods, and eventually found said elder. He said he'd seen Zelda, but...

He sent me to find three missing members of his tribe before he'd "remember" where he sent Zelda. Okay, fine, I'll do your job while you just stand there like an idiot. Back soon, lazybones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Along the way, I sliced something open and happened to find a fairy. I had an empty bottle handy, so I caught it, and...

Six hearts? REALLY? What happened to the good old Ocarina of Time days, or Majora's Mask, when fairies restored all of your hearts and you only had to have four Pieces of Heart to make a new Heart Container? This is complete crap. Ugh.

After I was over the stupid fairy thing, I kept moving, and eventually found another Kikwi.

Oh, right, I remember now. This was the one that was stuck in a tree with a bunch of Bokoblins trying to get to it. I had to kill the Bokoblins and then roll myself into the tree to knock the Kikwi down.

Yay, cool, I'm a hero, etc. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to keep looking for Zelda. I mean, your missing friends. But along the way, I was trying to figure out where to go next when I found...

Hmm, I like what they did with the Pieces of Heart. A nice departure from the norm. And at least we only have to collect four now, like usual. Sweet!

And that's where I end things for today, because I couldn't figure out where to go next and I was starting to get tired. Until next time, heroes!