Twilight Princess Chapter 15: It's Really Cold in Here!

Yeah, you're not imagining things...it's another post! Commence the celebrations, and let the dungeon-crawling begin!

So, I walked into the yeti's impressively large house, and was greeted by...a dilapidated, icy wreck.














So this yeti had the means to build this massive house, but not to keep it maintained? Fail.

In the first room, I found the yeti's wife, chilling by the fire. I guess she's sick or something. Well, she was well enough to tell me to talk to her husband in the adjacent room. So I headed in and found him stirring a massive pot of soup.














I could be wrong, but that soup pretty much looks like the worst thing ever. That's just my opinion, though. For all I know, it could be really good. Well...at the moment it isn't. I think it needs a couple of additions first. See what I did there? I foreshadowed that the soup is going to become better. Oooooooooooh. But at the moment, all it does is restore two measly hearts when I drink it. Lame.

After I was done ridiculing the yeti soup, I began exploring the dungeon. Yeto said that his wife had been acting funny ever since they got the shard of the Mirror of Twilight. Yeah, I can already see how this is going to go bad. But I've been informed that the shard is locked in the house's bedroom and I need to find the Bedroom Key to unlock the door and get in. The wife didn't seem very confident that the key was where she thought it was, but hey, we have plenty of time to screw around.

Eventually I found an inner courtyard, which contained...this.















Looks like that's the door I need to get into. Well, let's keep moving on.














I forgot to mention I had to turn into a wolf and dig my way underneath a wall to get to this courtyard. So, yeah. I also had to kill some pesky snow wolves.

Back in the soup room, I happened to notice this massive cleaver on a nearby table.















That is a huge cleaver. Why can't I take that with me? I mean, if I could take a couple of whacks at Ganondorf with that, it would be game over pretty much immediately.

One of the things I forgot about with this dungeon was the amount of really shiny ice on the floors, which I think is a nice touch. Except for the whole slip'n'slide game that inevitably ensues, of course. Plus it's a nice setup for the end boss.















After lots of slipping and sliding on the ice, I made my way to where Yeto's wife said the key was...only to find an Ordon Pumpkin inside the chest. This irritated Midna to no end, predictably.















Of course she did. If she hadn't, this would be a really short dungeon, wouldn't it? And we can't have that.

Since a pumpkin obviously wasn't going to unlock any doors for us, I headed back down to the soup room. When I got there, the yeti immediately smelled the pumpkin. Being a yeti, he whacked me over the head to get the pumpkin, rather than using his manners and asking me for it. Seriously, why does this guy have no manners? Sigh.














Yay! The pumpkin has been added to the soup. Now it'll restore 4 hearts per drink, so I decided to take some with me, since apparently nothing in this dungeon drops hearts when I kill and/or destroy it.

After I was done filling my bottle, I went to talk to the yeti's wife again and she marked a different spot on the map where she thought the key might be. Midna and I are understandably skeptical, but we pressed on...because we've just gotta get that mirror shard. And in one of the subsequent rooms, we found a cannon!















There was also a cannonball, which I had to pick up and load into the cannon. Then I put a bomb in it and WHAM! I could shoot down all the walls of ice I liked! Well, provided there was a wall of ice available to shoot and I wasn't too lazy to go grab the cannonball and start over.















This room was fun. And by "fun" I mean "huge pain." I don't even remember what was in that chest on the far side of the room. Just that getting there was really, really annoying.

Eventually, of course, I found my way to a "special room" and found...this guy!














Uh...that's an interesting weapon you have there...
















That...I, uh...can I run away now? I want to run away. Aww, man...fine, I'll kill him...

I couldn't remember the strategy for this guy, so my first instinct was to stay close to him (inside the radius of the chain) and try to hit his tail at various points. This didn't work so well, though, so eventually I backed off and figured out what to do (wait until he throws the ball, then go in for the kill) ...and vanquished him! Which gave me THIS!














YES! Now I, too, can use a ball and chain to destroy everything around me! Just what I've always wanted!

I proceeded to use my new toy to destroy my way to the next chest, which was supposed to contain the Bedroom Key. Instead I found a hunk of Ordon Goat Cheese. What a surprise.
















Another Star Wars reference, Midna? Come on, expand your repertoire a bit. In the meantime, I'll just bring this cheese down to the soup room.

I guess I didn't take a picture of the new soup. Well, now it restores 8 hearts per drink! Awesome.

After another chat with the yeti's wife, she marked a final spot on the map, and I made my way there...to find a chapel. Uh, okay.















I had to break out the ball and chain to clear the room of enemies, but that was okay, because I like to think the ball and chain is the best means I have of creating complete chaos in any given situation. You know, because it destroys everything it hits. Including the pews in the aforementioned chapel. And then I got the Bedroom Key! Yay!

After I got the key, I had to find my way to the actual Bedroom Door so I could finish the dungeon. When I went through the last door into the courtyard to get to the Bedroom Door, the yeti's wife unexpectedly showed up on the other side.
















That doesn't seem ominous to me at all. Well, let's move on. I unlocked the door to the bedroom, and we proceeded inside and over to the mirror shard, which was hanging on the wall. Then the yeti's wife started admiring her reflection...or maybe Link's. I'm thinking it could have been either one.















Then things started to get a little creepy. Okay, make that a lot.














WHOA!

Is she a vampire now? Did she just turn into a vampire? Is she going to suck my blood?! Oh God I want to run away!


Then, as if things weren't bad enough, all the windows in the room broke, letting snow in...















...and the snow started packing itself around the yeti lady...which turned her into a giant mass of ice. Hence her title, I guess.















That looks fun. Time to get out the ball and chain!














This fight was really pretty simple. First I had to hit the ball of ice with the ball and chain, progressively knocking off layers of ice, until it was all gone. Then Blizzeta surrounded herself in more ice and brought out some really big pieces of ice that floated around and stabbed themselves into the floor in an attempt to kill me. This is where the shiny ice on the floor I mentioned earlier came in handy.

















I had to wait for the ice things to come down, then hit Blizzeta's ice prison with the ball and chain and break off bits of it until she was finally defeated. Kinda underwhelming, but actually killing her would be a little bit of a downer, so...yeah.
















Blizzeta is defeated...and I get a Mirror Shard!















Ooh, ahh, cool, etc.

After I got the Mirror Shard, there was a touching little scene with the yetis. The yeti's wife really liked admiring herself in the mirror, which is a Bad Thing, obviously. So her husband decided to cheer her up.















Aww, how touching...















Okay, this is starting to get a little uncomfortable. But at least I got a Heart Container out of the deal. Let's get out of here, Midna.

And now for something completely different!















After I was done in the dungeon, I decided to go to Zora's Domain and see if Ralis had found his way home yet. Surprisingly, he did! Yay, the guards aren't watching over an empty throne anymore! And all is right with the world. Well, a few parts of the world.

Until next time, heroes!

Twilight Princess Chapter 14: HAHAHAHA....WIPEOUT!

Hello and welcome to another installment of the Twilight Princess replay. This post is going to be shorter than usual, because for some reason there wasn't as much stuff to do in between dungeons this time. Sigh. I guess I don't really have anything else to say, so...on with the show!

Common sense dictated that I go to Castle Town and see who I was supposed to talk to in the bar, but instead I went to Kakariko Village to see if Prince Ralis would know anything. I found him in front of his father's grave.















He went on to babble about how he didn't know what to do with his life and he felt like a coward. Haven't I encountered somebody like this already? Colin, right? I didn't know Ralis changed his name to Colin. Well, weirder things have happened, I guess.

Poor Ralis didn't have much else to say that was helpful, so I decided to sniff around Zora's Domain to see what I could dig up there. Although most of the time I wasn't in wolf form, so I wasn't so much sniffing and digging as just...running around talking to people.

The first thing I managed to find out is that apparently Gorons can breathe underwater. Who knew, right? Oh, right...they're technically made of stone, right? Or something? So they don't need to breathe? Whatever...

Well, I decided to sink down to the bottom of the throne room to talk to some of the Zoras there, and one of them said something about how the rock I dropped in there to melt the ice was looking at her. So I took a look at the rock, and it totally was looking at us with a weird purple eye. Not really sure why it was purple, but we don't question these things, I guess. So, being the innovator I am, I put a Water Bomb next to the rock, blew it up...and out came a Goron. Who didn't have purple eyes. Weird!















He went on to say that he was sleeping on Death Mountain one day and woke up to find himself surrounded by lava, and then he was inside this rock. He's just been waiting for someone to break him out. You know the worst thing? I don't think I ever did this in my first game. Poor Goron, trapped inside a rock at the bottom of the Zora throne room for all eternity. Although Gorons eat rocks, so he probably could have just eaten his way out once he got hungry enough.

And then he didn't even leave.















Look at him. He's just chilling there underwater. Forever, for all I know. Well, let's move on.

I also found this gem while talking to some of the Zora guards.














Really? You're just standing there guarding an empty throne? I have a suggestion for you. Why don't you and your useless friends get yourselves to Kakariko Village and escort Ralis back to where he belongs? I'm sure that, as an aquatic creature, he really wants to stand in a dusty graveyard for the rest of his life. Morons...

Okay, moving on.

The word on the street, I mean...in the stream...from the Zoras...said that some kind of snow monster had been spotted in Zora's Domain recently. Although apparently nobody talked to him. So I decided to head to Snowpeak and see what I could find. And look!














Is it the snow creature?















Oh. No, it's just some chick from the bar. She gave me a sketch of the creature and told me it had been eating red fish lately, but the only way to catch the fish is with a certain type of rare coral. I was struck with inspiration by this, and immediately headed to Kakariko to show the sketch to Prince Ralis. Sure enough, he knew what it was!














He just happened to have some of the coral I needed to catch a reekfish (of course) and he was happy to give it to me! I was just glad I didn't have to do some dumb fetch quest or something before he'd give it to me.
















Yay! Now I can catch a reekfish! Time to warp back to Zora's Domain.

But first, Ralis had to tell me all about how suddenly he knew what his life's purpose should be and that he was going to go home and lead his people. Cool, Colin. I mean, Ralis. You just go do your thing, man. And the funny part is, I talked to Beth in Kakariko Village afterward and she's all like, "Well, I don't think he's depressed anymore, but he still just stands in the graveyard anyway." So...they're not even bothering to move him back home so the guards can stop guarding their empty throne? Lame, Nintendo.

Okay, anyway. We warped back to Zora's Domain.

You know, there's something odd about this. Midna won't change me into a wolf in front of other people, claiming it "might scare someone" or something. Yet apparently she doesn't think anyone would have a problem with a wolf and an imp appearing out of nowhere and falling into the water?















We literally just show up from the warp portal in the sky and then fall into the water in front of at least 10 Zoras, none of whom bat an eye at this. I really don't think they'd mind if they saw me turn into a human. But whatever.

Ralis (I think it was Ralis) had told me to fish for the Reekfish around the Mother and Child rocks in Zora's Domain. Mother and Child, eh? They couldn't think of a different rock formation to use? Since, you know, there's a Mother and Child Island in Wind Waker. I mean, there are different rock formations out there. I'm just saying.

So, after a few minutes of fishing...














After I caught the fish, it flopped around on the ground for a while, which confused me slightly until I noticed the cloud of stench coming from it and turned into Wolf Link.















Yay! Let's see where this scent leads!


....But first, let's take a detour to the Gerudo Desert and use Midna's super-strength to warp the broken piece of bridge back to the Bridge of Eldin, because I forgot to do it before.














Yay, the bridge is fixed!














Yep. Definitely fixed.

As an added bonus, as I was preparing to leave the Bridge of Eldin area, I happened to notice a Clawshot target on a nearby wall, which led to a cave, which led (eventually) to a Piece of Heart. This completed another Heart Container for me! Yay!

After I was done celebrating, it was time to head to Snowpeak and see where the Reekfish scent would lead me.
















This looks fun.

So Midna and I followed the Reekfish scent over ice, through snow, past snow wolves and ice Keese, up hills, and through more snow. Eventually we found ourselves at the top (more or less) of the mountain. What fun.















And at the very top...I found the Abominable Snowman! I mean...a yeti.














He is completely surprised to see me. Also, I like how the fish he's holding is bigger than I am, but the one I caught was a paltry 27 inches. Lame.

So, I told the yeti what was up and he invited me to his house, because apparently he has a piece of the mirror there. This isn't going to end badly, I can tell. Especially since the only way to get to his house is to knock an ice leaf out of the tree and...snowboard our way there?















Yeah, I...can't I just hop on your back and ride with you, or...something...?















I...well, there he goes. I totally could have just sat on his shoulders for this.















Sigh. Well, let's get this trainwreck on the road.

Actually, it really wasn't that bad. I just have vague memories of crashing and burning the previous time I did this.















After a minimum of hilarity, I finally arrived at the yeti's house.














Beast-man? Come on, Midna. I thought we were above species-ist comments.

Ugh. This place looks cold, doesn't it? I guess we'll find out next time, after I have time to play the dungeon! Hah! See you next time, heroes!

Twilight Princess Chapter 13: Scary Desert Dungeon is Scary!

First off, I'd like to apologize to what few regular readers I do have for my lack of posting lately. I've been busy, so you're just going to have to deal with it. If this fatal "busy-ness" of mine keeps up, I may have to just cut things down to one update a week. So, let's hope things look up in the near future.

I bravely ventured into the Arbiter's Grounds. In the first room, I was greeted with some sweeping views of the area.















I have a bad feeling about this place.














Once the preview ended, I had to use the Clawshot to get to the platform on the right and then jump my way over to the door in the back of the room. That sand on the floor? Yeah, you'll sink if you stay in it too long. Here's a tip for you: Don't wear the Iron Boots in the sand, or you'll sink instantly. Not that this happened to me or anything...

In one of the subsequent rooms, I had to cross more sand to get to a chest containing a Small Key. When I turned around, I saw about a hundred tiny insects crawling their way over to me, bringing back horrible memories of those scarabs in The Mummy. I had to use the spin attack to get them off me. It was terrible. But anyway.

In another room, I was attacked by the skeletons of midgets as soon as I got inside. No joke. The skeletons attacking me were only about half as tall as Link. I suppose they could have been children's skeletons, but that just makes the whole thing even more reprehensible.

Eventually, I made my way to the dungeon's main room.














See those torches with the blue flames? They were all lit when I entered the room, but soon as the door closed they all flew off somewhere and I was attacked by an extra-scary Poe.
















Good job, Nintendo! Honestly, recycling mechanics from previous games...well, we've never seen that happen before, have we? Let's move on.

After the Poe died, a weird purplish glow emanated from its corpse. Inspired, I turned into Wolf Link and sniffed it.















I can't imagine that smells too good. Like...death. That's what I think it smells like. Nasty. And I get to follow this scent all over the temple! Like a good dog wolf, I obediently followed the scent into the temple's various rooms.

Here's a room that's apparently notorious for confusing people! Something about how nobody ever expects the ghostly rats, or something. Well, I did. And they died.
















So...just why are there ghost rats in this place? I mean, I didn't see ghosts of any other random vermin here. Why aren't there also ghost bugs? Sigh.

It was in one of these random rooms I didn't take pictures of that I encountered bad guys I had completely, totally forgotten about. Apparently they're called Redead Knights. Yeah, um, these guys are bad news. They're like ReDead, except when they freeze you they take the opportunity to slowly heft their huge swords and hit you with them, instead of jumping on you and trying to gnaw you to death like in previous games. No thanks!

I probably could have taken a picture of a Redead Knight if I'd really wanted to, but every time I saw one I just wanted it dead as soon as possible. So here's a picture of a Stalfos instead.














This guy was more like a normal Stalfos, except after he was defeated he collapsed in a pile of bones and I had to use a bomb to blow up the bones before they regenerated back into a Stalfos. How annoying!

So, I kept tracking more Poes through the dungeon, until finally I had killed all four! When I went back to the main room, all four torches lit up, and the door to the inner sanctum opened.














Inside the door, I found a strange mechanism on the floor that I couldn't do anything with. But it made me excited, because I'd forgotten about the special item you get in this dungeon, which is my favorite of all items in Zelda games ever. Yay!

I went through the only door I could go through to find this:














I had to use the Clawshot to basically rappel my way down to the bottom of the room, where I could manipulate a mechanism to make my way back up the pillar in the middle and get various things, such as a Small Key. Then I had to go back down the pillar to get to the locked door at the very bottom. Eventually I made my way to what I knew had to be a miniboss room...
















Nothing happened when I walked into the room, so I did the only thing I could - I slashed one of the ropes on the giant sword. And...voila! Something happened.
















You know...that is a really big sword. I'm not sure waking this thing up was the best idea...

At first I found myself facing just the sword, but my human powers were worthless against it. So I turned into Wolf Link and used my senses. There he was! A ghostly creature wielding a really big sword. So I attacked him a couple of times to turn him visible.
















Now, of course, Wolf Link's powers were worthless against the creature, so I turned back into Normal Link and shot it with arrows to make it sink to the ground, where I could hit it with my sword. Rinse and repeat a few times, and...















He dead!

My reward?















OH HELLS YES!!! MY SPINNER!!! MY FAVORITEST ZELDA ITEM EVER!

Words can't really describe how much I love the Spinner. I just wish it had been utilized more outside of this dungeon! Haha....ha...ha...

Well, anyway, after I got the Spinner, I had to amuse myself with it for a while before I could move on, so I rode around the Spinner tracks for a while, to feel the wind blow through my hair familiarizing myself with the controls.

Of course, the very next room I went into was full of Spinner tracks to play around on. It was also full of spiky things, sand, more spiky things, and a Stalfos. Whatever. This Spinner is made for fun!

Eventually I made my way through the room (not before mistiming my jumps and falling in sand a million times) and got to the last area I had to make my way through with the Spinner before I could get to the door.















It took some special timing, but I got it done. Through the door I found the Boss Key! Now we're getting somewhere.

Back in the inner sanctum, I used the Spinner to activate the mechanism in the floor, which moved a section of wall aside to allow me access to the inner-inner sanctum, which was a circular room with a giant pillar in the middle, with Spinner tracks running around the wall outside. I had to use my amazing acrobatics to ride the Spinner up the wall and then leap heroically off the tracks and fall and hurt myself and onto the pillar, which contained another mechanism I had to activate with the Spinner. This gave me access to the inner-inner-inner sanctum, containing...the boss!















Real scary. He's just a heap of bones.

Before I started the encounter, I happened to notice a Spinner track around the edge of the room, so I had to amuse myself by riding around on that for a while.















Eventually, though, I got bored, so I decided to get things going.















Zant?! What's he doing here? I don't remember Zant being a part of this. Well, I guess it makes sense. Look, he's doing something crazy with his sword.














Ominous. Oh, look, the fossil has eyes...and they're PISSED!














You know, from that angle, the skull doesn't look as scary. It looks like a...goat skull. Or a cow. Some kind of ruminant. Which, you know, doesn't always scream "scary"...















NEVER MIND IT'S SCARY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

Thus commenced the first part of the best boss fight in any Zelda game ever, hands down. I had to ride the Spinner track around the room, launch myself off it toward the boss, and try to hit his spine with the Spinner, which made some of the bones disintegrate and lower him deeper into the sand he seemed to be stuck in. Eventually the boss added spiky things to the Spinner track to knock me off, as well as baddies that rose up from the sand to block my progress, but this fight is still the most fun I've ever had in a boss fight.

Eventually, I destroyed enough of Stallord's spine to make him sink into the sand, which brought us to...part two!















All of the sand drained out of the arena, leaving me and Stallord's head on the aforeseen pillar in the middle of the room. See those Spinner tracks on the walls? Yeah, things are about to get crazy.

I can't remember what I did to make Stallord's head come back to life, but whatever it was, it made him even angrier.















And so began part two of the battle!

This time I had to ride the Spinner around the pillar, waiting for Stallord's floating head to come into view, and then dodge fireballs (by jumping to the Spinner tracks along the outer wall) long enough to get close enough to the head to jump off the pillar and hit it with the Spinner, knocking it to the floor and allowing me to get some hits on it with my sword.















As if all this weren't epic enough, after the first time I knocked Stallord's head to the ground, he added spiky things to the Spinner tracks on the pillar. After the second time I knocked him down, he put spiky things on the outer Spinner tracks as well. But it was all in vain, because in the end Stallord died just like all the rest.

Here's his vanquished head flying through the air.
















And here's a shot of me sheathing the Master Sword in victory.














This is where I have to stop for today, sadly. Next time: The Mirror of Twilight and associated shenanigans! Including an EPIC REVEAL. I wonder what it could possibly be!