The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race Across the Boot of Italy

So as you all know (or should know) by now, Paul Newman passed away on Friday. I'm kind of ashamed to admit I've never seen any of his movies. Okay, I've seen most of Cars, but that doesn't count. Well, that will change. I'm planning an epic Paul Newman movie-fest, complete with many salads slathered with none other than Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette salad dressing. If you've ever bought this stuff before (or looked at the bottles) you will notice there is usually a little story on the back of the bottle. I'm posting the most epic story of all, because it is either the best or the worst thing I've ever read.

The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race Across the Boot of Italy

An armada of balloons loaded with Light Balsamic. The starter's gun- Bazoombah! They all rise majestically into the air. Newman's Own Balloon, with fewer calories, more taste, and secretly propelled by charity, flies faster than Kraft and farther than Wishbone. First across. First on the ground. El Piloto quaffs mucho quaffs of Newman's Own Light Balsamic in victory. A medium light Italian starlet, daughter of Butch Cassini, named Bitch Cassini, leaps into the balloon basket, kisses Piloto, her lips smeared with Newman's Own Light Balsamic, she murmurs, "You taste of Sicily, of Vesuvius, of Naples, baby", and patting his fanny she whispers, "and no fat."

I was wondering how anyone could possibly quaff salad dressing until I actually tasted the stuff. It's totally quaffable...

not that I did. No, really, I didn't! I'm serious.

..okay, I may have taken a little sip.

Anyway, these are the movies planned (if I can find them) for my theatrical movie marathon dedicated to the late, great Paul Newman.

The Sting
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Cool Hand Luke
Cat On A Hot Tin Roof