Anyway...
Midna and I teleported back to the Spirit Spring after leaving Lakebed Temple...and things went bad almost immediately!
Well, it's
Ooh, he does such a good job of towering over me. I'm still wearing the Zora Armor for some reason. Watch me try to look like a badass wearing that.
Suddenly the snake god showed up and went all crazy, but Zant dismissed him. I forget how exactly. Anyway, then Zant made the Twilight come back, and I turned back into a wolf. How rude!
Midna is pissed. And when Midna's pissed, bad things happen. Or...something.
Before she could do anything, though, Zant started manhandling her and found the Fused Shadows.
Being the bad guy he is, he had to monologue for a while before he killed us, or whatever he was planning on doing.
Well...actually, yeah. You got a problem with that?
Zant went on to call Midna a traitor, and then said something about how he was her king, which only pissed her off more.
ZING! Take that, Zant! Why don't you take your stupid little helmet and get out of here, you jerk?
Oooh, scary! I wonder who Zant's god is? I'm sure we'll find out just as soon as the plot deems it necessary. I bet I could guess who it is a lot faster than that.
So then Zant hit me in the face with a goofy black crystal thing...
...and when Midna tried to help me, it SANK INTO MY HEAD OH GOD THAT LOOKS PAINFUL OH GOD CRYSTAL IN MY HEAD
And then Zant manhandled Midna some more and his monologue got all whispery.
Oppressed you? ME? I thought I was just a simple farmboy eking out my existence by
Consort? She likes me? Gee, I never would have gotten that impression. You know, because she treats me like crap all the time.
Uhhhhh...this really isn't what it looks like. And his mouth is, like, stitched together or something. Creepy.
Oh. He wants her power. How typical.
Of course, Midna refused to lend him her power, so he had to punish her. By...forcing her into the light, or something. Then he dropped us in the middle of Hyrule Field.
How nice of him, to just dump us in the middle of nowhere. Wolf Link is not pleased.
So, I was stranded in Hyrule Field with Midna, whose colors had all been reversed so she was now a bizarro Alternate Universe version of herself. I almost expect her to have
a goatee.
So the snake told me to take Midna to Princess Zelda to heal her. Wait. Why is it so imperative that Midna be healed? She's been using me for the last three dungeons! Ugh...fine, I'll drag her to Castle Town. She'd better thank me for this.
Once in Castle Town, I wasn't sure where to go, as I had no memory of this part of the game. So I wandered aimlessly all over town and finally talked to some of the cats that were wandering around. One of them mentioned Telma's cat, Louise, so I decided to head to the bar and see what would happen.
Unfortunately, I got kicked out of the bar. But as I was leaving, Louise found me!
Sadly, yes.
Really? I hadn't noticed what I looked like. Or what the weird imp on my back looked like. Get out of my way, you stupid cat.
Yeah. We have to get to Zelda! I have to make sure she's all right! Now get out of my way, I've got a princess to check on.
So the cat stepped aside and we went into the bar's secret entrance. I had to sneak across ropes across the ceiling and (presumably) avoid knocking over any of the jars scattered around the edges of the walls or falling onto the floor. Along the way, I eavesdropped on Telma:
She's referring to me, of course. I forgot to mention how everyone who saw me while I was running through town screamed and cowered in fear. Wimps.
After I got out of the bar, I found myself in Jovani's house. You know, that guy who was so greedy he sold his soul for riches and get himself turned into a gold statue.
Immediately afterward, I killed a Poe lurking in a corner of the house...and ripped out its soul! Wolf Link is totally a BAMF.
So then I went over and had a nice little chat with Jovani.
After I left Jovani's house, I had to make my way through the Castle Town sewers to get to my destination. I had no memory of doing this whatsoever. Like, at all. I had to kill some really big spiders, set webs on fire, kill bats, all kinds of stuff. Nothing was familiar to me. It was like I'd never played through that section of the game before. This included having to make my way back through the dungeon area I had to make my way through back when I first got turned into a wolf.
This time I had to climb across a lot more ropes to get to the top of the tower. You know, tiptoeing across ropes isn't something you really envision wolves doing. Isn't that more of a cat thing? Why did they go with Wolf Link when they could have had Tiger Link or Lion Link instead? Well, food for thought.
After I got to the top of that particular tower, I found myself back on the rooftop of Hyrule Castle. Fun!
I had to time my jumps carefully because there was a nasty thunderstorm going on (ooh, ominous!) and the wind was really strong. But eventually I prevailed, and found myself back at Zelda's tower.
We made our way into Zelda's room...and Midna promptly fell on the floor.
Pathetic. Well, at least she's asking for help for me.
Oh, look! It's Zelda! She's alive!
Why is she all cowled and mysterious again? I already know what she looks like.
She told me to go to the Sacred Grove and get the Master Sword! YES! I can finally ditch that crappy Ordon Sword or whatever it's called! Let's go right now!
Oh, right, Midna still needs to be healed. Uh...
What's she doing? Why is she glowing? WAIT, DID SHE JUST DISAPPEAR? WHERE DID SHE GO? ZELDA!!!
WHO CARES ABOUT MIDNA? ZELDA!!!
She's gone. Link is totally devastated. The love of his life...gone! Where could she be?!
Fine, whatever. You don't have to snap at me or anything. You're not the one who just lost your true love! You don't understand me! Go away!
After Link was done crying in a corner, Midna teleported us back to Hyrule Field. And right after we left...this thing appeared around the castle.
That's ominous.
Midna can't figure out what that thing is either. I guess it's really mysterious when even the resident know-it-all/slavedriver doesn't know what it is.
And with that...we were on our way!
Next time: The Master Sword...I think.
1 comment:
Lines that made me giggle:
"Hello, weirdo."
I wonder about the necessity of the screeching/death sound that always accompanies Zant... and that nasty, nasty mouth! Blegh...
"Watch me try to look like a badass wearing that."
I had similar thoughts abou the dopey flippers and pointy hat, like a sad water elf. I do wish they had let me change before the cut scene.
"Being the bad guy he is, he had to monologue for a while before he killed us, or whatever he was planning on doing."
They never learn.
"I bet I could guess who [Zant's god] is a lot faster than that."
I was thinking of Michelle Bachman, too.
"it SANK INTO MY HEAD OH GOD THAT LOOKS PAINFUL OH GOD CRYSTAL IN MY HEAD"
Even now I feel like there's something out of place in my cerebral hemispheres... Yet I don't quite understand how an orange and black shard comes out of a glowing magenta energy ball... Do NOT question Zant!!
"Ugh...fine, I'll drag her to Castle Town. She'd better thank me for this."
Tedious as this side trip is, I do love the song and the depressing, desperate rain. It almost makes me forget that I could dawdle around Hyrule for as long as I pleased and she'd still be fine.
"I killed a Poe lurking in a corner of the house...and ripped out its soul! Wolf Link is totally a BAMF."
By far one of my favorite moves of wolf or human link. Where else do you get to rip out something's soul with such a satisfying growl?
"Why is she all cowled and mysterious again? I already know what she looks like."
Hey! She is a sexy bitch! You best be respectin'! (Or maybe she has a zit?)
"You're not the one who just lost your true love! You don't understand me! Go away!"
Dammit, Midna! You ruin everything!! And for reals, where did Zelda go??? I know she's around somewhere, that tease.
"That's ominous."
That's an understatement.
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