So, the first thing I did was head to the desert, since that was the last place I needed to go for my last song fragment. I figured I'd get headed off by Fi and made to descend in only one spot like the last two times, but strangely enough, I was still able to go wherever I wanted. So I went to the Ancient Harbor because there was a Goddess Box I wanted to find. After that, I didn't know where to go, so I started to make my way back to the main area using the Hookshot targets on the pillars that lead back to the Lanayru Caves. As soon as I got there, I was accosted by this guy!
Oh, really? Well, spill!
Well, that seems to be a pickaxe slung over your shoulder. You're made of stone, right? Why not use it to hew off "a few pounds" as you put it? Well, whatever. I'm the Hero, not you.
Have I mentioned this guy's hair yet? It looks like a ridiculous top hat. Okay, let's move on.
What could they possibly have in common? I guess I get to find out. So, off to the Lanayru Gorge, apparently!
Well, that place looks fun. And by "fun," I mean, "just like all the other places in the desert." And are those bones in the distance?
Yay, title card! And that looks like a thingy where a mine cart should be sitting.
Those look like mine cart tracks. I swear to God, if I have to ride another mine card to my destination, I'm going to cut someone.
Well, whatever. Let's see what we can find here.
Those definitely look like bones. Dragon bones. Suspicious.
The skull seems abnormally tiny compared to the size of the rest of the bones, but whatever. That definitely looks like a dead dragon. Whuh oh.
And that's a really big chain. Did some sick bastard chain the dragon down so he couldn't get away?
I forgot to take a picture of it, but the chain was dangling over the edge. On a little pedestal below, there was a really sparkly key just waiting for me to pick it up. So I busted out the Beetle and picked it up. There was a locked door nearby, with a Clue Tablet saying, basically, "No Admittance unless the Thunder Dragon approves it, you thief." So I busted open the door and went inside. Where I found...this!
I was wondering where that would turn up. Well, let's see what ridiculous antics I have to get up to this time.
Hmm, the plot thickens. So the Thunder Dragon is in charge of all the robots? I wouldn't have thought dragon claws were the proper size or had the right dexterity for wiring circuits together, but I guess I don't make the rules around here.
Well, time to get this show on the road.
This whole part of the game was pretty much a load of escort garbage. I had to stay with the mine cart while it shifted the area around it back in time so I could keep following it, all while battling and/or avoiding various monsters that popped up, and eventually while climbing on walls and shit while the cart moved on its track. I was glad when it was over.
See what I mean? Total crap.
And here's a giant scary Chu hanging from the ceiling. Weird stuff.
This part wasn't nearly as bad, mostly because there were less enemies.
I don't remember exactly what I was trying to do here, but I do like how Link is out of focus but everything else more-or-less is.
And there's the mine cart, making its way to its destination.
Hmm, interesting. So there's something wrong with the Thunder Dragon, you say?
I don't see that chain anywhere. Is he chained down yet? I'm confused.
Oh, really? Whoever chained you down must not have done it yet, unless the chain is just where you keep the key.
I don't think that would make a good name for me, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Yeah, well, that's why I'm here, because I'm The Hero (tm).
But somehow I get the feeling that the robots' evil plan failed.
Of course it won't, because the robots are failures. Okay, let's go find this tree you keep going on about.
It looks like there's snow in the picture, but it's not. Well, I guess that's their pitiful attempt at growing a tree. I wonder what's under that pile of dust over there?
It was a Time Stone! Now the area's shifted back in time and the tree is just a seedling. Somehow I think I'm going to have to save the day. Well, I guess it's just another day in the life of The Hero (tm). Well, time to dig up the seedling.
If you can't read that, it says, "You got the Life Tree Seedling! It is a very young form of a legendary tree whose fruit is said to cure any illness." How convenient.
Well, the only other clues I could get from the robots about where to grow the tree were that it wouldn't grow anywhere in the desert. But I seem to remember Groose mentioning a place at the Sealed Temple where a tree might grow...
So, like an idiot, I tried to plant the seedling right there, but of course it didn't work.
That one says, "You took back the Life Tree Seedling! It would take too long to grow if you planted it here. Maybe you should find another place for it..."
Well, clearly that leaves me with one alternative. I went through the Time Gate and found Impa in the past.
Well, you're in luck. I happen to have just such a seedling. Let's plant it and see what happens. Not to mention the fact that I don't believe trees are well-known for their indoor growing properties, but I'm not a tree expert.
What a cute little sapling. Let's jump 1,000 years forward in time and see what happens!
Quit your babbling, Impa! I've got important work to do.
Clearly Groose is amazed at the size of the tree. I'm actually wondering if the tree just appeared out of nowhere and surprised him. And I think I can just see a pretty fruit hanging off the tree.
That is certainly a beautiful fruit. May I eat it? Oh, wait, I'm supposed to give it to the Thunder Dragon. Fine...let's head back to the desert.
No, I'm going to sit down and eat it in front of him, then laugh when he asks why I did it. Of course I brought it for him, you dumb robot.
Yup. Now eat it so I can get your part of the song.
And here I am, preparing to, like, heave the fruit into the dragon's mouth or some shit. What, do I have to do all the work around here? Geez.
Well, I think he liked it.
Okay, cool. Can you come down here and teach me the song now?
I think it would have made the whole story a lot better if it had turned out somebody chained the dragon to a rock to die, and explained why the area turned into a desert (because its guardian dragon died). Of course, if that had been the case, then saving his life should have made the area not turn into a desert after all, which would be problematic, I guess. And then you'd have the question of who'd be powerful enough to chain a demigod to a rock to die. But it would have been a lot more...desolate, I guess. Well, let's move on.
Yay!
Uh, okay. Well, as long as you don't burst my eardrums, we'll be okay...
Yeah, yeah, you can sing. Hurry up.
Did the dragon also get bigger when the fruit healed him? I guess that makes sense, since the Water Dragon got bigger too. Hmm.
Well, at least he's enjoying it, not covering his ears in pain or anything.
Yay! Time to go find Levias!
Yeah, yeah, I'm going.
Yes I have. Now teach me the rest of the song.
So then Levias started singing. Cool! Except Link looks like he's having some trouble standing up.
Maybe you should just lie down, eh?
That's better. Apparently Link can't properly enjoy a song unless he closes his eyes.
And while Levias was singing,, the dragons showed up and sang with him!
Wait, Link's standing up again. Well, okay.
Hi, Water Dragon!
And they're doing something with my harp for some reason. I guess that makes sense.
And then Fi sticks her head in there like she matters at all. Get out of here, Fi.
Or, you know, dance in midair. Whatever.
Woohoo! Can I go save Zelda now?
A trial? Oh God. If I have to do another one of those trials I'm going to cut someone.
Why do they have to keep testing me? Clearly I've proven myself to be The Hero. That's not enough for you? Why can't you just tell me where the Triforce is so I can go? Sigh.
And I have to dowse for it to boot? Fine, whatever. I guess I'll do it...but not in this session. HAH!
And with that, this is where my post ends for today. Join us next time for the trial, presumably. I don't know, I don't write this stuff. Maybe there'll be yet another interruption first, where I have to go save somebody else before I can get into the trial. That wouldn't surprise me at all.
Well, anyway. Until next time, heroes!
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