We stepped through the doors of the cave, and...
That's one big armless statue. Interesting.
And that water is purple. Something is telling me I shouldn't try to take a swim in it. Oh, right, Issun said that. Okay then.
So we started exploring, and found an area that was very green.
And after more exploring, we found another one of those weird balls! Except it was made of stone and wouldn't budge.
I even tried headbutting it, but that didn't do anything except (presumably) give Amaterasu a headache. Okay then.
You can't really see it, but the ball was sitting at the top of some kind of ramp. There wasn't anywhere else to go, so we headed down the ramp...and at the bottom, we got attacked by some kind of crossbred lion/pumpkin thing.
I can't remember what they're called, so I'll have to look into it later. In any case, I couldn't remember how to kill it, so Issun offered a helpful tip.
And then I managed to kill it! When it died, the stone ball at the top of the ramp turned into a glass ball like the one we used to make the sapling grow earlier.
The objective was to push the glass ball down the ramp and onto a switch. Hmm, I wonder where I've done this before?
Oh well. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I guess.
And then we got attacked by two of the lion/pumpkin things at once. Fun!
But they died promptly. And when they died, a whole bunch of flowers sprouted up...
And then a log with some little mushrooms on it appeared! Weird, I know. Of course, Issun thought I should try to do something to make the mushrooms grow.
So I drew a sun in the sky, and voila! Wait a second...I thought this was a cave. How can we see the sun? Weird...
Then it became clear that I'd have to jump onto each of the mushrooms in order to proceed. Fun stuff!
And after more exploring, we found another big ramp.
But before we could proceed, Issun interrupted me.
Uh oh....
Somehow, his tiny sneeze was enough to crack the ramp into a million pieces, which threatened to fall out from under me if I didn't move across them fast enough. I feel like I've experienced something like this in a Zelda game before...ah, well. We made it to the top of the ramp, where we found a door with THIS on it...
Weird, all right...
Of course, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do, so I tried Power Slashing the lock. Which made this happen:
But there was nothing else I could currently do, so I, uh...ended up jumping off the platform anyway and falling down to a new area. Where I found this guy:
Blockhead, eh? I'm guessing you're made of stone. What a surprise.
Okay!
Aww.
Well, you've got a giant crack that serves as your mouth, so I'm going to go ahead and guess your defense isn't as airtight as you think.
Wanna bet?
You have weak points? Why are you telling me about them?
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?
Oh, wait. Your name's Blockhead. Never mind.
I wouldn't count on that.
And then, what do you know? He showed me his weak points. So I dabbed some ink on them with the Celestial Brush.
And then, predictably, this happened.
Why are you so surprised? You told me how to kill you!
No, you died an idiot's death. There's a difference.
Did I mention Blockhead was blocking (hah) a doorway? Because he was. After I killed him, not only was the door unblocked, but some more flowers bloomed, and some fancy bamboo walkways showed up so I could get back up to where the door with the crazy lock was.
This was very handy, because as it turned out, something special had appeared on the platform in the middle of the room:
Hmm, I wonder what that could be.
How useful.
A key, you say? I bet I know just what I could use that on.
So we climbed back up the bamboo walkways...
And when we got to the top...
Heh heh heh. That lock knows exactly what an Exorcising Arrow is. BE EXORCIZED, BITCH!
That's a blurry picture of the Exorcising Arrow stuck in the lock's eye. And then the lock went poof. Yay!
So we moved on. Hmm, this is a lame obstacle. I learned how to fix this five minutes into the game!
I suppose they want to make sure I stay brushed (hah!) up on all my powers. Okay then. *scribble scribble scribble*
And the bridge was fixed!
Turns out the bridge led to an area with three Demon Gates to defeat. And when I cleared them all, another log with mushrooms on it showed up.
So I drew another sun in the sky that was somehow overhead, and the mushrooms grew again. They led up to a strange ledge containing these things...
What's this? Some weird clay pots spewing purple stuff into the water? Say it ain't so! Looks like we'll have to do something about it.
Ya think? Geez. Now shut up so I can break the pots.
I guess I didn't take any pictures of myself breaking the pots. Oh well. I did get some blurry pictures of the water purifying itself after I broke the last pot, but you don't care about those. How about this one instead?
Yay! Tsuta Ruins is cleansed! And it looks like I can go into the big statue in the main room. I hope that's not a statue of a woman, because...that would just be weird. Giggity.
Turns out the waterfall by the pots I broke led back to the main room, so Issun and I swam our way back there and then headed inside the statue...where we found a really big room full of patches of darkness that we had to color in with the Celestial Brush to make them go back to normal.
You can see one of the patches of darkness on the left (the glowy purple area).
And when I cleared them all out, this happened!
The bud blossomed? Why is this noteworthy?
Oh. Another constellation? Who is it this time?
Looks like another monkey.
That's definitely a monkey.
And he has a pair of cymbals. Original!
Oh, good, we won't have to meet any more monkeys.
Now, that's more like it. I always enjoy flattery.
And then he taught me-
STOP RESTATING THE OBVIOUS!
Okay...so I can do things with vines?
Oh, so that's what that is. I was wondering.
And this is the part where things start getting real. I CAN TOTALLY LEAP FROM FLOWER TO FLOWER WITH VINES. HELL YEAH!
Unfortunately, it's not really all that complicated. I just have to draw a line from the blossom to myself.
That's a bad picture, but you get the idea.
So we used the blossoms scattered around the giant statue to make our way up to the top of the statue, where we found this!
What is it, you ask? Well, it's some kind of lid covering a hole we needed to go down. See the blossoms? We had to attach vines from the blossoms to the hooks on the lid, and...
Voila!
So we jumped down the hole. WHEEEEE!!!
Those are spiderwebs. I don't think I like that.
There wasn't much inside the hole, aside from a lot of statues I forgot to take any pictures of. Clearly, the last boss is ahead! So we went through one last doorway...and promptly fell off a ledge, because apparently Amaterasu thinks she can walk on air.
So then Issun started yelling at me, completely without noticing the evil-looking things moving around in the background...
Until something made a noise, which made both of them sit up and take notice, as it were.
Of course something moved. We just blundered into the boss chamber in the least-stealthy way possible. Like a bull in a china shop or something, right?
So then, Issun decided to go investigate what was going on. You know, because he's an idiot, and apparently the evil red glow didn't faze him at all. What do you call that thing, anyway? Some kind of flower?
Congratulations, Issun. You're officially better at stating the obvious than Fi was. Way to go!
And apparently it's a flower with scary red eyes. Weird.
And you're just asking to get swallowed and digested by whatever this thing is. Now stop screwing around and do something useful!
There's a dog inside the flower? This is getting more ridiculous by the second.
And then things started happening really fast and Amaterasu had to run to Issun's rescue and flip out of the way of a purple ball of energy and I couldn't get any good pictures of any of it.
Orochi? Boy, this was a short game!
I'd ask if you were blind, but clearly all your eyes are in a completely worthless place, so....Yes. Yes I am. And how dare you call me a dog!
Oh, you're not Orochi. Darn.
Oh noes! It's the Spider Queen! The horror! Well, I guess that explains the spiderwebs earlier.
That is one ugly spider. Not that any spider isn't ugly.
Screw you! I had to rescue that dog you're apparently carrying around in your belly (?) without having eaten it!
Oh, I think you're speaking YOUR last words, bitch. Let's do this!
So, fighting the boss wasn't too hard. Of course, getting a decent picture was.
The objective of this fight was to use the Konohana Blossoms (that you can't really see in the picture) to draw vines from the blossoms to four hooks on the Spider Queen's butt. Once you did that, she collapsed on the ground and her abdomen opened up, and...
...you climbed up onto the leaves her abdomen is apparently made of and use your weapon to destroy each of her eyes. This is actually pretty similar to one of the boss fights in Wind Waker, now that I think about it.
Anyway, eventually I destroyed all of the eyes, and the Spider Queen was vanquished. Here's the giant bloom she left behind.
And then, apparently, the Narrator took over the story.
Blah blah blah, something about defeating the Spider Queen and turning her body into a beautiful blossom and tranquility in the ruins.
Blah blah, the dog got consumed by the Spider Queen without actually being eaten, blah blah.
And then a shiny new weapon appeared!
Snarling Beast? That's an interesting name for what's basically a pointy shield.
Obviously Issun has never played a Zelda game before. OF COURSE WE'LL GET SWEET NEW EQUIPMENT, YOU IDIOT.
Did I say this was getting weirder by the second? Because it is. I don't even know anymore.
No, it's some other random dog. Idiot.
OKAY!
Yay, we won! But the dog still didn't wake up, so we had to wait for it to finish sleeping. And that's my stopping point for today! I will attempt to make two posts this week to make up for missing last week. Until next time, heroes!
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