This Just In

Someone get me a copy of Twilight so I can take a picture of myself lighting it on fire. I'd buy a copy, except then I'd be giving Stephenie Meyer money. No thanks.

Dakota Culkin Killed By Car

http://defamer.com/5107549/dakota-culkin-killed-by-car

"Law enforcement sources tell us Dakota Culkin was walking on the west side of Los Angeles Tuesday when she stepped off a curb and was struck by a car," reports TMZ.

My condolences to Macaulay. This doesn't look like it's been a good month for celebrity siblings...

Britney Spears Interview video!

This video was a lot of fun too, except I wish I'd been wearing a different shirt when we filmed the Fluffy Light-Up Lamp commercial. But we found lots of funny pictures for the backgrounds and the music is awesome.

'Ruffalo Died in Russian Roulette Game'

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0624726/

The prime suspect in the death of Mark Ruffalo's brother has told authorities the deceased shot himself in the head while playing a game of Russian Roulette.

People actually play that? Damn. People really should be smarter than this...

THE BEST ANTI-TWILIGHT VIDEO EVER (STARRING ME)

I had a lot of fun making this video, especially with the in-video text. I wish I'd had more time to work on it, but I think it turned out pretty well. I think the video illustrates my hatred of Twilight well. I would have talked about more ridiculous things from the books, but time was limited. Let's just say the half-vampire baby she gives birth to in the fourth book, like, kills her as it's born, by BREAKING HER BACK. Holy crap. Who gave Stephenie Meyer her book deal again? I would like to personally go slap that person, hard.

7/22/11 - I would like to amend this post by saying that I have now read all of the Twilight books. My opinions regarding them remain the same. FAIL.

Harrison Ford Joining J.J. Abrams' Produced Comedy?

http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/12/08/harrison-ford-joining-jj-abrams-produced-comedy/

Details are pretty sketchy on this, but according to MTV, Harrison Ford has joined a comedy called Morning Glory. The long-delayed project is being produced by J.J. Abrams and directed by Brit Roger Michell (according to EW in 2007) and supposedly stars Reese Witherspoon as a struggling female news producer in New York City who recruits an iconic, egotistical anchorman (presumably Ford) to revive a failing network's morning show.


Uh.

Harrison, I love you, I really do. But comedies don't really work out so well for you, do they? Let's take a look at Hollywood Homicide. Pretty much the only thing the movie had going for it was Josh Hartnett's Mustang Saleen. Beautiful car. Other than that...uh...it really wasn't that great. And I am your biggest fan. Really.

You know what? How about The Cisco Kid? I must be the only person on the planet who's heard of that movie. Why? Because it was a theatrical flop. People don't like you in comedy roles, Harrison. None of your movies are hits unless there's at least one shot of you sticking your index finger in someone's face while shouting angrily. Trust me on this.

Stephen Colbert Interviews Barbara Walters Using Soft-Focus Lens...On Himself

http://jezebel.com/5101917/stephen-colbert-interviews-barbara-walters-using-soft-focus-lens-on-himself

The above clip shows part of the interview. Stephen Colbert is awesome, I wish I watched his show more often. I definitely want to see A Colbert Christmas though.

Luxury cruise ship outruns pirates

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/12/01/pirates.cruise.ship/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Good for them. I bet those pirates were just drooling over all the stuff they could steal. Hahah!

In This Post: Wearing A Helmet While Horseback Riding Is A Really, Really Smart Thing To Do Even If You Aren't Hugh Jackman

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0614694/

Hugh Jackman dodged death during a horse-riding stunt on the set of new movie Australia, thanks to the stuffy rules set by the film's safety officer.
Jackman was left red-faced when the officer, on-set on the insistence of the film's insurers, forced him to wear a helmet and padding for a training exercise with a bucking horse.
But the precaution saved him from a certain death, when the horse violently threw him on the ground.
He explains, "Six months into training they brought in a rearing horse.
"The safety officer happened to be onset. He's always a chump. He's the guy nobody wants around. He came over with a motorcycle helmet and a padded jacket. He was like, 'Please wear it, please. For insurance.' All the horsemen were sniggering, saying, 'Wuss'.

There's a reason you're supposed to wear a helmet when you ride a horse, dumbasses. It's so if the horse bucks you off, your brains don't get splashed on the ground. Especially if you're riding an unfamiliar horse. I'll admit I'm guilty of not wearing a helmet when out riding when I used to have a horse, but that doesn't mean it's not a really good idea. Good for that safety guy, because he was doing the right thing and didn't back down. And what happened? Jackman got bucked off the unfamiliar horse and he was wearing a helmet. And we can't be losing the newest Sexiest Man Alive to something so stupid now, can we?

Screen Actors Guild to seek strike

http://www.usatoday.com/life/2008-11-22-strike_N.htm?csp=34

LOS ANGELES (AP) — The Screen Actors Guild said Saturday it will ask its members to authorize a strike after its first contract talks in four months with Hollywood studios failed despite the help of a federal mediator.

Yeah, this will end well. But really, SAG (haha), if you don't want to destroy the country's spirits completely, you'll sit down, shut the hell up and take the money they're offering you, because I doubt you're going to get what you want. And actors need even more money because...?

Twilight is a hit dammit arrrrgh

http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2008/11/twilight-early.html?xid=rss-hollywoodinsider-'Twilight':%20Early%20box%20office%20is%20bloody%20good!

Twilight is off and running on a record pace at the box office. The film adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's vampire-romance saga scored $7 million from shows at midnight on Thursday, and it's on pace to bank as much as $30 mil on Friday, Variety reports.

Dammit. Now we're going to have to keep on putting up with fangirl shit until they make all 4 movies. I am slowly slipping closer to losing all faith in humanity.

Pattinson Voted Hottest Male Movie Vampire

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0610779/

British heartthrob Robert Pattinson has been named the hottest male movie vampire of all time, trumping big screen bloodsuckers Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas and Tom Cruise.


................................

Did anyone other than Twilight fans vote in this poll? I'm just curious.

Emma Thompson Graphically Mauled by Stuffed Animal on Letterman

http://defamer.com/5092286/emma-thompson-graphically-mauled-by-stuffed-animal-on-letterman

However, Thompson immediately bucked our expectations by marching onto the set while brawling with a stuffed fox who would not let go until it got a firm disavowal of Love Actually.


There's a clip of the carnage. That's certainly not something you see every day, so kudos to Emma. However, I'm still mad at her for blowing off the 6th Harry Potter movie to make a sequel to Nanny McFee. WTF....

James Bond blows away weekend box office

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27754093/

LOS ANGELES - James Bond's quantum of the weekend box office: $70.4 million.
"Quantum of Solace," with Daniel Craig returning as Bond for the first direct sequel in the spy franchise, pulled in nearly $30 million more over opening weekend than its predecessor, 2006's "Casino Royale," according to studio estimates Sunday.

I saw this movie yesterday. It was pretty good, but I keep thinking it could have been better if Martin Campbell had come back. You know, the guy who directed Casino Royale?? Yeah. Also, the Bond theme should have been used throughout the movie more instead of just during the credits, and the gunbarrel sequence should have been at the beginning, not the end...sigh. Get it right, people! Or the purists will just keep complaining!

Oh, and "Another Way to Die", the theme song, isn't quite terrible...the lyrics were mediocre and most of the music was okay, but some of the music was kind of cool. I think the song needed a few more rewrites, or maybe a different musician to write it. I mean, Jack White? Lame.

Fans of Actor Overwhelm Police at San Francisco Mall

http://cbs5.com/entertainment/robert.pattinson.crowd.2.860723.html

The actual cancellation of the event turned out to be a lie, as the article states, but they should have canceled it for real. Seriously. They should cancel the whole tour if people are going to behave like that. Come on.

Intervention Movie!

Yay, our newest video! This video was a lot of fun, particularly selecting the music for it. I was more involved in editing the video rather than filming it, as you can see. I especially liked the subject because I LOVE KITTIES!

Batman Sues Christopher Nolan Over Success of The Dark Knight

http://io9.com/5079815/batman-sues-christopher-nolan-over-success-of-the-dark-knight

Haha, fooled you. I can't wait until this gets laughed out of court, considering that Village Batman has had since 1939 to sue over the use of the name. And they're quoted saying they're only doing it because they're broke. Lame.

Sarah Brightman Flashes Her Holographic Eyes, Belts Out New Repo! Song

http://io9.com/5076678/sarah-brightman-flashes-her-holographic-eyes-belts-out-new-repo-song

In this clip, Sarah Brightman and whatshername sing a song from Repo! The Genetic Opera, which opened today in limited release. I think the movie looks pretty interesting based on this clip...I mean, it might be a bit cheesy, but aren't all musicals? Plus, Paris Hilton is in the movie, and I read that her face falls off due to too much plastic surgery or something. Perfect, I'll totally watch it.

Letterman on the Election

http://www.groupnewsblog.net/2008/11/letterman-on-election.html

As Evan and I have remarked before, you do not trifle with David Letterman.

"I would like to say one thing to Senator John McCain: Listen, Senator, you don't show up for me, America doesn't show up for you."

And then at the end of the evening, the electoral vote count was 349 for Obama, 148 for McCain, or as Fox News says, 'Too close to call.'"

I wish I could have seen this. I love Letterman, but I don't often get a chance to watch the show. I definitely watched the election results, though. I haven't really been following the presidential campaign that closely, but I was surprised Obama got as many electoral votes as he did. I mean, I was expecting him to win, but not by that large of a margin. If I'd seen the whole McCain-leaving-Letterman-for-DC-and-then-going-to-Couric-interview flap when it happened, I might not have been so surprised.

Author Michael Crichton dies at 66

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27557143/

U.S. best-selling author Michael Crichton, who wrote such novels as "The Andromeda Strain" and "Jurassic Park," and created the popular TV drama "ER," has died at 66, his family said Wednesday.

Crichton, a medical doctor turned novelist whose books have sold more than 150 million copies worldwide, died "unexpectedly" Tuesday in Los Angeles after a private battle with cancer, his family said.

Wow, that was totally unexpected. I think I still have my old copy of Jurassic Park around here somewhere. I remember reading The Lost World after I saw the movie and was completely amazed and disappointed by how much they changed the book for the movie (not the first time I've had that realization...). And of course the Jurassic Park movie was awesome.

First Person Video (Starring Me!)

Yay, the first video I've done starring me. I would have done this a lot earlier, but I have had a lot of trouble finding time to work on things in the studio since I'm usually busy during studio hours and I can't afford to buy a MacBook. Woe is me.

Oh, and in case anyone thinks the clip of the car driving in snow is a bit random, well, it snowed a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to capture the moment. Capture the moment!!!

Heidi Klum Upsets Hindus With Goddess Kali Costume

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0596757/





Heidi Klum has upset America's leading Hindus by dressing up as Goddess Kali for a Halloween party at the weekend.
What may have seemed like a little fun for the German supermodel has deeply upset Hindu scholars, who feel Klum should make a public apology for posing as a sacred figure.





I'm not surprised that there's an uproar, but uh, really guys, I don't think she was trying to disrespect Hinduism or anything. But she should probably make an apology anyway.

(I wish I had money so I could dress up in a really awesome costume like that)

New Twilight Footage

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/29309457.html

Blah blah craptacular Twilight videos blah. I hear this movie is going to really suck. Oh well, Happy Halloween everyone!

John Paul Jones Hints at Led Zeppelin Tour Without Robert Plant

http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx/?news=336842&GT1=28102&silentchk=1&

After weeks of rumor and hearsay, Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones has all but confirmed the band will soon hit the road again. Unfortunately, the reunion this time won't include Robert Plant.

...........

Okay.....

Why don't they just not go on tour then? Geez.

Ten Awesome Costumes You Slackers Can Get Done By Friday

http://io9.com/5069028/ten-awesome-costumes-you-slackers-can-get-done-by-friday

Shoot, it's only a few days until Halloween and you don't have a costume yet! Relax — you're in the same boat as many a costume designer for a science fiction movie or TV series. Except that instead having to create a whole group of identical alien costumes for a bunch of extras by Friday, you only have to create one cool-looking costume for yourself. We talked to few actual costume designers, including Joss Whedon's favorite costumer, and came up with some cool ideas for costumes you can throw together in the next couple of days.


If you ask me, they're more like "meh" costumes, but whatever. I'd totally dress as Irina Spalko from Indy 4. Maybe I could even lug along a fake script labeled "Crappy Indiana Jones 4 Script". Oh, I know, it could be chained to my wrist! And I'd have to have my mouth duct-taped shut or something to symbolize Cate Blanchett's acting talent being, uh...not-so-good. Wait, this is starting to sound like some kind of BDSM fantasy....okay, nix the duct tape.

*edit - Someone on another blog suggested dressing up as characters from Twilight because all you'd have to do is wear the most plain, boring clothes possible and then fall down a lot and try to get hit by any cars that come your way. I could go for that, especially if I could find some guy willing to be completely coated in white makeup and a ton of glitter while wearing vampire fangs and looking emo. Yes, the Twilight series sounds more wonderful all the time, doesn't it?


I think I know just the guy.

Nolan (Vaguely) Answers if He'll Direct Third Batman

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2008/10/nolan_vaguely_answers_if_hell.php

Hey, grandchildren, do you still follow that cape man you liked so much? That... Batman character? Oh, good, because Christopher Nolan has finally spoken on if he's doing a third Batman movie! His answer: maybe.

You know, I was actually thinking that if Bryan Singer were to direct a Batman movie, it might not be half bad. After all, X2 is considered one of the best movie sequels ever made. It would still need to have a good story, though.

Although, if Brett Ratner or Sam Raimi were to get their hands on the production...woe to the Batman producers. Woe. Woe!!!

Body Found is Hudson's Nephew

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0592194/

Latest: The F.B.I. in Chicago, Illinois has confirmed the young boy found dead in the city on Monday was Jennifer Hudson's seven-year-old nephew Julian King.

The alert was called off on Monday after the body of a young African-American child was discovered inside a 1994 white Chevy Suburban car in west Chicago - owned by Jason Hudson.

The gruesome find was just a few miles from where Julia's estranged husband, William Balfour, was arrested by police on Friday, according to TMZ.com. He is currently being quizzed by cops over the slayings, and authorities have described him as "a person of interest".

I was afraid of this. I hope they throw the book at that guy and lock him up for life. I have no sympathy for people who kill their own kids.

Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother found dead

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0590920/

The mother and brother of Oscar-winning Dreamgirls actress Jennifer Hudson were reportedly found dead at the home of Hudson's mother in the South Side neighborhood of Chicago, according to initial reports.

Wow, that really sucks, I feel bad for Jennifer Hudson...the article states that the police are looking for two suspects. What a horrible loss for Jennifer...

Teens convicted of virtual theft, RPattz must be really regretting being in Twilight

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/10/23/teens-convicted-of-v.html


Two Dutch teenagers were convicted of virtually roughing up a classmate in the multiplayer online game RuneScape and stealing some virtual goods from him.


NERRRRRRRRRRRDS.


http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/29075790.html

In this video, Robert Pattinson (of Harry Potter and Twilight movie fame) arrived in Mexico and was immediately swarmed by hordes of Mexican girls, one of whom tries to put a sombrero on his head. I'd suggest some form of terrible punishment for him...but I think his newfound fame is fame is punishment enough.

Epic Video of Epic Epicness

View my totally awesome (epic) video, full of epic footage, epic pictures and totally epic MUSIC. After watching this video, you too will want to join the SDSU football team so you can flex your muscles and tackle guys on the field. Also so you can listen to the Pride's epic playing of music during the game.



this video would have been more epic if I could have used a sound clip from the Backstreet Boys dubbed in Spanish video

OMG LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSinTxrJBpM

The Backstreet Boys' "Backstreet's Back Allright" video, dubbed in Spanish. You have to watch this, for real. It's so terrible it's hilarious.

Also, they declared the Britney Spears trial a mistrial. I really hope they don't ask for another trial. What a waste of time.

Britney Jury Deadlocked

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0587686/

The jury members in Britney Spears' ongoing driving license trial have been told to keep deliberating after telling a Van Nuys, California court judge they're deadlocked over whether the singer should be handed a criminal record.

Why are they even prosecuting her for this? Aren't there better things the California courts could be doing, like going after the real criminals?

Suri Has Her Own Dressing Room/Playroom

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0586989/

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' two year old daughter Suri has her own dressing room at the New York theatre where the actress is making her Broadway debut.
Holmes is combining her run in Arthur Miller's All My Sons with her role as a mum, and has kitted out a room backstage at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre, so little Suri is never bored.

"We have a dressing room that is transformed into a playroom. It has a little piano."


You know, it doesn't even really bother me that Suri has her own playroom at the Broadway theater or whatever. I mean, all little girls should have their own playroom. I myself had a playroom when I was a little girl...well, if the huge empty basement counted as a playroom. I've seen many playrooms at churches, schools, daycares, wherever. Can you tell what really annoyed me about this article about Suri's playroom?

Madonna + Richie Confirm Divorce

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0584415/

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have confirmed they are divorcing after eight years of marriage.
The singer has been under intense media scrutiny amid rumours she indulged in an affair with New York baseball star Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez.
Madonna and Rodriguez were alleged to have had an "affair of the heart", according to his estranged wife, Cynthia. They divorced last month.

Ten bucks says adopting the kid was what did them in. Well, in addition to the whole affair-with-A-Rod thing. That, or the backlash from Swept Away finally got to them.

TSA screener ripped off hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of electronics from passengers, TSA didn't notice

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/10/13/tsa-screener-ripped.html


MadScott sez, "TSA Screener Pythias Brown walked off with hundreds of thousands of dollars of passengers' belongings without ever being observed by the TSA, selling the items on Ebay (apparently he was good about customer service).

His greed eventually came back to haunt him, when CNN found one of their cameras listed on Ebay. With a little help from the local police department and the USPS, Brown was apprehended.


Yet more reasons why I always put valuables in my carry-on. Goons like this are what gives TSA a bad name. Not that they had a good name in the first place...

36 Boxing in World of Warcraft...and I thought I had no life

http://www.dual-boxing.com/forums/index.php?page=Thread&threadID=14611

It costs me exactly $5711 in subscription costs per year with 36 accounts on the 6 month pay schedule. Not bad considering I'm looking at it like it's a hobby and there are more expensive hobbies out there than World of Warcraft.

When Wrath of the Lich King is released, I plan to be at the store when it opens and will purchase 36 copies of it. With tax, it should be about $1500 for all of them. Then the shaman are on their way to level 80 along with the priest, druid and mage.


olol this guy must live in his basement and have no life amirite?

Really though, not even I would pay $6k to play a game...there are so many better things I could spend my money on...or even better, save it for the upcoming credit crisis!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0581817/ - No Plans For Another Batman Sequel Yet


The Dark Knight screenwriter David Goyer is baffled by reports he's working on a second sequel to 2005's Batman Begins - because he hasn't even discussed the possibility with director Christopher Nolan.

According to the article, Christopher Nolan is on vacation. Well, I hope he gets done with his vacation soon, because the world is clamoring for another Batman movie. How can you not make a sequel to the Dark Knight?! Batman isn't a villain and Gotham shouldn't see him as one. They at least need to make another movie to fix that mess. Come on now.

(Although, if Christopher Nolan doesn't come back, I am immediately opposed to making another movie. History has already shown the Batman franchise going to pot the moment the good director steps away from the franchise.)

Sweet, sweet justice

http://community.livejournal.com/twilight_sucks/219315.html


Long story short, after Idiot Twihard Mom realized how many bills she was going to have to pay, she relented and let the adoptive parents have the kid. They promptly renamed her Lily Anne. I am incredibly relieved.

Also, the new Twilight trailer came out today. I'm not going to bother to link to it, but I did watch it for the lulz. I wasn't disappointed - as soon as I saw the van I screamed out 'DEATH VAN!'. For those of you who think I might be convinced to see this movie, even for the lulz, I won't go. So don't even try.

This is why I hate Twilight

http://community.livejournal.com/twilight_sucks/217060.html

But about a week or so ago I got one that made my brain literally cease all function...*drum roll please* Renesmee Bella was this little girl's new first name.

This particular name had the first letter S. Which I automatically decided stood for "sucks"...because really...it was all I could do to help keep my sanity. But no, this poor child's name was Renesmee Bella STEPHENIE....and that's when I think I blacked out for a little bit.

According to the rest of the post, the baby's father's name is Edward (and the only reason the mother hooked up with him), and the dumbass mother (who is 15) was originally going to give the kid up for adoption until she read Breaking Dawn and thought having a kid, at her age, and screwing over the adoptive parents (who were paying all her medical bills) was a good idea. I am a little leery as to whether this story is actually true, because it seems too crazy to be true. But if it is real...who wants to help hold Stephenie Meyer down while I go at her with a baseball bat? Because really. It's good that kids are reading books and everything, but I just think there are better books they could be reading, for heaven's sake.

Actually, after this, I think that girl's probably going to have to go read a book on finance so she knows how to pay back allllllll those bills the adoptive parents are probably going to stick her with.

Voting PSA!

Today we made a PSA about voting. I didn't have as many problems with Final Cut as I did before - I must be getting better. I was disappointed to hear we can't just use whatever music we want in the videos we make, though, because of the copyright issues. I had a lot of music I wanted to use in my other video assignment. Hopefully the website he gave us will have some good stuff....

Also, I just noticed I did the same little "shoulder shrug" three times in the clip I'm in. More proof that I am in fact a terrible actress.

Ex-actor guilty of yacht killings

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/10/07/yacht.killings.trial.ap/index.html?eref=rss_showbiz


Deleon, 29, is a former child actor who allegedly boasted that he was a star on the "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" but apparently only had a small part in one episode.

Murphy said Deleon and his former wife, Jennifer Henderson, were a young couple saddled in debt and living in a converted garage, and had a bank account with only $2,619 two days before Deleon took the test cruise.

Looks like he should have worked more on his acting career and less on his life of crime.

Lucas in 'Think Mode' for Indiana Jones 5

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=49367


I really hope they come up with a better idea for the next one. I mean, Indy 4 was okay, but....meh. I'm hoping they come up with a better MacGuffin this time. Maybe they could do something like "Indiana Jones and the Search for the Good Indiana Jones Movie Script". I'm sure that would be a hit.

Old video, but funny

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2008/09/batman_and_robin_minus_all_the_least_terrible_part.php


Careful, it may destroy your soul. You've been warned.

New Video!

I was very tired when I made this video. But at least I kind of improved my Chromakey skills...




It took me longer than I thought it would to make this, because I was really tired and kept getting behind the instructions, and had no idea what I was doing. Fortunately I managed to figure things out in a mostly satisfactory way...

Russell Crowe Will Play Robin Hood AND The Sheriff in Ridley Scott's Nottingham (maybe)

http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2008/09/27/breaking-russell-crowe-will-play-robin-hood-and-the-sheriff-in-ridley-scotts-nottingham/

This should be interesting. I hope Crowe as Robin Hood is the clean-shaven one. However, this story might not be true:

mjkbk (09.29.08 10:38 PM)
Sure, Russell has the chops to do it. Only thing is, according to HIM, this story isn't true. He sent the following message to his longtime fansite, Murph's Place (http://www.murphsplace.com/crowe/news.html): "I won't be playing two roles in Nottingham.If I ever were to do that I'd pick roles that were more diverse, say Tuck and Marion. RC" I think maybe Ridley was pulling your journalistic leg.

The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race Across the Boot of Italy

So as you all know (or should know) by now, Paul Newman passed away on Friday. I'm kind of ashamed to admit I've never seen any of his movies. Okay, I've seen most of Cars, but that doesn't count. Well, that will change. I'm planning an epic Paul Newman movie-fest, complete with many salads slathered with none other than Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette salad dressing. If you've ever bought this stuff before (or looked at the bottles) you will notice there is usually a little story on the back of the bottle. I'm posting the most epic story of all, because it is either the best or the worst thing I've ever read.

The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race Across the Boot of Italy

An armada of balloons loaded with Light Balsamic. The starter's gun- Bazoombah! They all rise majestically into the air. Newman's Own Balloon, with fewer calories, more taste, and secretly propelled by charity, flies faster than Kraft and farther than Wishbone. First across. First on the ground. El Piloto quaffs mucho quaffs of Newman's Own Light Balsamic in victory. A medium light Italian starlet, daughter of Butch Cassini, named Bitch Cassini, leaps into the balloon basket, kisses Piloto, her lips smeared with Newman's Own Light Balsamic, she murmurs, "You taste of Sicily, of Vesuvius, of Naples, baby", and patting his fanny she whispers, "and no fat."

I was wondering how anyone could possibly quaff salad dressing until I actually tasted the stuff. It's totally quaffable...

not that I did. No, really, I didn't! I'm serious.

..okay, I may have taken a little sip.

Anyway, these are the movies planned (if I can find them) for my theatrical movie marathon dedicated to the late, great Paul Newman.

The Sting
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Cool Hand Luke
Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

It was a dark and stormy night...

...literally.

Ominously, it started storming out as I was preparing to post today's blog, so I think I will postpone it until tomorrow. I need to go buy some salad dressing first anyway.

Immortal McHorror burger is 12 years old, looks just like new

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/09/25/immortal-mchorror-bu.html

Karen Hanrahan has been using the same McDonald's hamburger as a prop in her "Healthy Choices for Children" class since 1996 -- 12 years! -- and it's hardly aged a day in all that time

That is horrifying. Good thing I'm not a fan of McDonald's...although to be fair, a Burger King hamburger would probably be exactly the same. Hey, I don't eat Burger King hamburgers! Score!

In other news...

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/09/toms-diner-vega.html?xid=rss-popwatch-20080926-Suzanne%20Vega:%20Now%20the%20story%20behind%20'Tom's%20Diner'%20can%20be%20told

Turns out Suzanne Vega is just as compelling a storyteller in prose as she is in song. Courtesy of the New York Times, here's her essay on the fascinating history of her 1987 song "Tom's Diner," from her composition of the tune in the Upper West Side eatery it later helped make famous

I, uh, didn't think anyone was actually waiting for this story to be told but....I guess it's a good story.

Entertainment Weekly Parodies Infamous New Yorker Cover

http://gawker.com/5054741/entertainment-weekly-parodies-infamous-new-yorker-cover

There's faux conservopundit Stephen Colbert, dressed as a smirking Michelle "Angela Davis" Obama, terrorist fist-bumping with his old Daily Show boss Jon Stewart, who is clad in Islamobama gear.

That's awesome, and serves as more proof that Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart rule. I even read Colbert's book (I Am America! And So Can You). I really need to renew my Entertainment Weekly subscription.

Global Media Sours on David Blaine's half-ass stunt

http://gawker.com/5054287/global-media-sours-on-david-blaines-half+ass-stunt

Yesterday we (and others) pointed out that "magician" David Blaine is a big fat cheater, because his current death-defying stunt—hanging upside-down in Central Park for 60 hours—involves hourly ten-minute breaks.

Blaine's flack said there was never any claim he would hang for 60 consecutive hours.

Somehow I'm not surprised. Now I'm really glad I spent the evening alternating between Bush's address to the nation and Futurama. What a waste of time.

Chromakey fail, teeth inquiries

Two new videos today! In the first, I spectacularly failed to completely understand how to do the chromakey thing. You'll be able to tell which clips are the ones I tried to do, because they look like shit.




Never mind about her teeth, Blogger's epic fail as a video host led to the audio for this being nonexistent.

Clay Aiken: Yes, I'm Gay; World: Yes, We Knew

http://defamer.com/5053866/clay-aiken-yes-im-gay-world-yes-we-knew

Hahahahahaha. I remember being in high school when people first started speculating about Clay Aiken. Really, all you have to do is watch that episode of Scrubs he guest-starred in (which I will never forgive Scrubs for) and there you have it: He's gay!

Also, apparently Lindsay Lohan confirmed her relationship with Samantha Ronson last night on Loveline, of all places. Really LiLo, you could have at least chosen someone who doesn't look like a 13-year-old boy. I'm just saying.

Blaine Risks Blindness With New Stunt

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0568957/

You like to do stupid, dangerous stunts! WE GET IT! But there is no way in the world I am EVER calling you Batman.

Ashley Olsen Fires Mary-Kate (Maybe)

http://gawker.com/5052338/ashley-olsen-fires-mary+kate-maybe

Some sketchy reports are coming rumbling down the wire that Ashley Olsen, young billionaire and entrepreneur, has fired her twin sister Mary-Kate from their clothing line The Row. That's their couture collection, which is mostly made up of repurposed Two of a Kind scripts and strips of leather cut from the boots used in How the West Was Fun. Reportedly Ashley was fed up with Mary-Kate's hard partying ways.

I really hope this is true, because it's hilarious. I know I'd fire my twin sister for her hard-partying ways (if I had one).

Police Raid Berwyn Heights (Maryland) Mayor's Home, Kill His 2 Dogs

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/30/AR2008073003299.html?sid=ST2008080103916&s_pos=

A police SWAT team raided the home of the mayor in the Prince George's County town of Berwyn Heights on Tuesday, shooting and killing his two dogs, after he brought in a 32-pound package of marijuana that had been delivered to his doorstep, police said.

Who does this? WHO DOES THIS?

The investigation that led police to their house in the 8500 block of Edmonston Road began in Arizona, officials said. There, a police dog at a shipping facility identified the package as being filled with marijuana. Prince George's officers posed as deliverymen and brought it to Calvo's home.

Calvo said he came home early from work Tuesday. While walking the dogs, Calvo said, he noticed several black sport-utility vehicles and a woman parked in a car down the street.

As Calvo returned to the house, he said, he spotted the large package that his mother-in-law had told a deliveryman to leave on the porch. He placed it on a buffet table near the front door and went upstairs to change.

Moments later, just after he had undressed, Calvo said, he heard his mother-in-law scream that someone was coming toward the house. He looked out his bedroom window and saw officers in SWAT gear running across the lawn.

As the police came in, Calvo said, they shot his 7-year-old black Labrador retriever, Payton, near the front door and then his 4-year-old dog, Chase, also a black Lab, as the dog ran into a back room. Walking through his house yesterday, Calvo pointed out a bullet hole in the drywall where the younger dog had been shot.

Nice one, guys. You broke into the unsuspecting mayor's house and shot a couple of dogs that weren't even trying to attack you. But instead of looking tough and cool, you just look like douchebags. Maybe the guy knew the box was full of weed, maybe not, but you should have just knocked on the door.

Police said yesterday that, when they seized the package during the raid, it was unopened.

"You can't tell me the chief of police of a municipality wouldn't have been able to knock on the door of the mayor of that municipality, gain his confidence and enter the residence," Murphy said. "It would not have been a necessity to shoot and kill this man's dogs."

Judy Reyes Leaving Scrubs

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601088&sid=asmKHKnofrsc&refer=muse

``Scrubs'' co-star Judy Reyes is leaving the half-hour comedy after this season -- and she won't be surprised if others go with her.

According to the article, Bill Lawrence is leaving the show too - but I read in another article that he wants the show to go on forever or, barring that, at least a 9th season. I dunno, I really love this show, but with Zach Braff and Judy Reyes leaving, I'm thinking it would be better to end the show after season 8. How do you keep doing a show without its main star? By changing to a rotating cast and ending up like ER, that's how. No one cares about ER. Just end the show now and everyone (or almost everyone) will be happy.

Fun With Final Cut Pro!

So today I learned how to use Final Cut Pro to make a video. The process was kind of complicated at first but got easier as I went on. It seems to be pretty cool and I'm looking forward to making more videos eventually.

I didn't mind being on camera, except that I need to talk louder (as always). I will eventually be posting more videos as the semester progresses, so don't fret! You will see more of me (probably awkwardly speaking lines and making a total fool of myself)! And then I'll magically become a major movie star.

This Shout ad made me laugh

http://www.shoutitout.com/preserve-colors.aspx

Did you know that some colors run every time you do the laundry?

NO!!!

It's true.

OH MY GOD

And these loose dyes can easily discolor and ruin other articles of clothing in the wash.

WHAT WILL I DO MY LIFE IS OVER

But with Shout® Color Catcher™, you can help prevent color runs and protect clothes.


Oh, thank God.

Kate Moss apparently doesn't mind gasoline headaches

http://www.celebrity-mania.com/news/view/00006517.html

This just in: Kate Moss and 5-year-old daughter Lila found dead of carbon monoxide poisoning, Moss' intelligence proves lower than previously thought.

Rupert Grint loses a bet

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/845/wowscrnshot091508170302ee2.jpg

Honestly, I can't think of a better punishment.

After replying to the text message, we found out that Rupert recently lost a bet to actor Robert Pattinson, who was once part of the Harry Potter cast in a previous film, and insisted that Rupert read the bestselling book. Rupert is now "stuck reading 'Twilight'" and that Rob was just texting him to see how far along he was getting.


I have sworn never to read these books, or give Stephenie Meyer my hard-earned money in any way possible. Unfortunately, I bought one of her other books before I knew just how bad the Twilight books would turn out to be. Hopefully I can sell it, or give it away, or something.

James Franco mobbed by twats at Columbia University

http://gawker.com/5047849/college-girls-in-heat-over-james-franco

The twits at Columbia can be so déclassé: as Vesal Yazdi wrote in the university's Spectator (and as noted by Page Six), they surrounded actor James Franco like cats in heat as he was trying to study in a campus cafe (he's going for his master's in writing at NYU.) They were "crowd[ing] around him and star[ing] into his face and the emails on his Mac..."


Lame. I mean, I agree that Franco's a good-looking guy, but come on, get a life! Just because the guy is sitting there doesn't make him fair game for asking to take a picture with him, especially if he's doing homework. Of course, according to the article, the girls were mostly freshmen, which makes sense.

My Advice To Freshman Girls: If you see someone famous (unlikely in this state), do not approach them. Ever. Why? Because it makes you look like a starstruck, selfish 14-year-old who just wants a brush with fame. Celebrities are people too, and that means give them some goddamn privacy.

Of course, if the famous person you see happens to be Paris Hilton or Stephenie Meyer, feel free to point and laugh.

Hi

So, uh, I guess this is my first new blog post. I need to find something to write about...

Oh, here we go. So the world didn't end after all when they fired up the LHC earlier today.

GENEVA - The world's biggest physics experiment has succeeded in its first major test as a beam of protons was successfully fired all the way around a 17-mile tunnel beneath the Swiss-French border.

That's a relief. I was totally terrified that they would somehow create a black hole and destroy the earth in a fiery cataclysm of horror.

Two white dots flashed on a computer screen indicating that the protons reached the final point of the world's largest particle collider.

Okay, I may have been exaggerating about the "fiery cataclysm of horror". But this is still anticlimactic. Fortunately, we also have this website to confirm whether or not our worst fears have yet occurred:

http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/