Hello and welcome to my latest Dragon Age blog post. In this post, lots of exciting things happen! Let's see what they are! And I figured out how to make the text readable without clicking on the pictures, but you'll have to excuse my crappy photo edits in Paint. At least, it should be readable.
Okay. I left off with my group heading to the party camp. When I got there, however...
What's this? Am I having a dream?
SCARY DREAM ARRGH WANT TO WAKE UP NOW
WHAT IS THAT OMG
Sorry for the gigantic font. I was testing things out in Paint and accidentally saved the font at the wrong size. But at least it's readable!
Well, that's pleasant.
So you're saying that thing was the archdemon? What a horrible creature. Can we go kill it? And why didn't Duncan tell anyone else about this?
Really? You know what the first rule of assuming is, right? "It makes an ass of you and me?" Because we're all asses now, thanks to you and the rest of the Grey Wardens! So I'm doomed to have horrible, horrible nightmares for the rest of my life?
Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Whatever. I'm going to go take a leak in these bushes over here...wait, what the?!
Is there nowhere I can get a moment's peace? What do you want?
And what the hell makes you think I want you in my camp?
Oh, right, your kid does enchantment and you're a merchant. Fine. You can stay. Now can I get some sleep already?
So, bright and early the next day, we decided to head to Sulcher's Pass, where there apparently was a quest waiting for us. A DLC quest, if you will.
Don't get too jumpy, now. Of course, if you go for your knife, or whatever, I'll have to murder you.
Wisp? I didn't realize we were in the Warcraft universe.
Hi. Uh, are you going to tell me why we're here?
Cool. So, uh...
Now we're getting somewhere. Artifact, you say? What sort of artifact?
So you're saying you'll just give it to me, even though you paid a bunch of money for it? What's the catch?
Are you trying to show me the Carfox here? Start talking before I cut you!
Oh. Okay then.
Honnleath. Sounds cool. And, uh, what are we supposed to do with the rod once we find the golem?
Cool. Well, let's go find the town, shall we?
Well, this looks like a happening place. We did see some villagers fleeing, though, and killed us some darkspawn. Good stuff.
Thanks, Captain Obvious. I thought Alistair was the party idiot here.
Is the golem going to come to life?
Argh! That damnable merchant! I should track him down and beat him up! What a worthless contraption.
There was a door nearby that led into some kind of basement, though, so we decided to go down there and see what we could find.
The basement was full of darkspawn, which we dispatched, and then we found this magical barrier with people behind it. There was also an old letter indicating that the golem's former owner's wife had written to the Circle of Magi to see if they could find out whether the golem actually did kill her husband, but the mages couldn't do anything since she'd sold the control rod. Interesting.
Well, let's talk to those people and see what they say.
What bann? I'm just making sure the villagers aren't all dead. Looks like I succeeded.
I bought a control rod and came here looking for the golem it's supposed to control.
Way to repeat what I just said, guy.
So your mom sold the rod years ago, but nobody's ever bothered to show up and see if it works? Something's fishy here...
So then he told me about how his father was a mage named Wilhelm who fought in the war against Orlais and one day his mom found poor ol' Wilhelm lying on the ground with his bones bashed in and Shale standing over him.
That seems reasonable. You wouldn't happen to know the correct command phrase, would you?
Oh, great. And you want me to go save her, right? And you won't tell me what the correct command phrase is until I save her? Fine...let's go.
So we started making our way through the second part of the basement.
In this area a bunch of ash wraiths attacked us, and then I found a journal that had belonged to the late, lamented Wilhelm, which said he summoned a demon for research. He had to reset the magical wards on his laboratory so they would accept anyone of his blood (which explains how the girl got in) and was about to go banish the demon back to the Fade when the diary ended. Suspicious!
Hey, look, it's the girl! Whoo!
Well, this situation is getting more interesting by the second.
Give it up, you dumb kid. Don't you have enough sense to realize CATS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK?
You're going down, cat.
I can see that. Clearly she's just too stupid to live.
So, uh, what are you doing here, exactly?
I...see. Well, it looks like we're at an impasse. What do you want?
I don't think that's such a good idea. How about I free you and you don't take the girl? I appreciate the fact that you want to see the world through her eyes, but really, cats' eyes and humans' eyes aren't THAT different, right?
Cool. So I have to figure out this goofy logic puzzle to free you? Jolly good then.
That was easy.
Ehh. What's the worst that could happen?
I really hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass someday.
Just think of the tales this girl will be able to tell her grandchildren later on. "I was possessed by a demon, Johnny! Oh, it was so scary!" Good times.
Yep, this girl's got a bright future ahead of her. I'm sure they'll be able to banish the demon back to the Fade easily enough.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Well, nothing to do about it now. Let's go find your dad!
Don't mention it. Uh, if she starts acting a little weird, you might want to take her to the Circle...
So she said yes, and he just believed her just like that. Idiot. Now what's the command phrase?
Yay! Let's go activate us a golem!
It's alive! IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Well, don't you sound cheery.
How dare you! This is a legally obtained control rod! Besides, what would you know? You're a statue!
...You're a creeper statue. That's what you are.
Look! Alistair agrees with me!
No, a few of them are still alive. I saved some of them from the darkspawn.
What a cynical golem you are. I think I like you.
Okay, cool. Well, you're welcome to join my crew if you want.
You're welcome to call me Larry, you know.
So why aren't you referring to HIM as "it"? What did I ever do to you?
So why are you projecting your hatred onto me?
HAHAHA! You're so witty, Larry.
Hah! Alistair didn't like that, of course, but whatevs.
You're certainly big and stony enough for one. You're made out of rock, too! HAHA! Okay, that joke didn't come out as well as I hoped. You know, because his face has a "stony" expression...
Wow. Somebody really doesn't like birds, huh? Maybe I should get a pet parrot or something.
Well, like I said, you're welcome to join my crew.
Have you join my crew, duh. Are you stupid?
You'll be safe with me, don't worry.
Yes, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Just remember not to piss him off.
You'll follow me about, eh? Well, that's good enough for me. Welcome to the crew! Let's go back to the party camp.
What's this? Is that a chicken up ahead?
Is that a bawk-bawk-bawk I hear?
Why, yes it is! Hello, chicken!
Oh, don't look so innocent, Shale. I know you squished that chicken. Unless a darkspawn jumped out of the bushes and made off with it while my back was turned? No, I don't think so.
And with that, I'm done for the day. Check back next time for our next adventure! I think we'll be heading to Redcliffe next.
A Vintage Custom Ruffian!
1 day ago