Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Russell Crowe Will Play Robin Hood AND The Sheriff in Ridley Scott's Nottingham (maybe)


This should be interesting. I hope Crowe as Robin Hood is the clean-shaven one. However, this story might not be true:

mjkbk (09.29.08 10:38 PM)
Sure, Russell has the chops to do it. Only thing is, according to HIM, this story isn't true. He sent the following message to his longtime fansite, Murph's Place (http://www.murphsplace.com/crowe/news.html): "I won't be playing two roles in Nottingham.If I ever were to do that I'd pick roles that were more diverse, say Tuck and Marion. RC" I think maybe Ridley was pulling your journalistic leg.

Monday, September 29, 2008

The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race Across the Boot of Italy

So as you all know (or should know) by now, Paul Newman passed away on Friday. I'm kind of ashamed to admit I've never seen any of his movies. Okay, I've seen most of Cars, but that doesn't count. Well, that will change. I'm planning an epic Paul Newman movie-fest, complete with many salads slathered with none other than Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette salad dressing. If you've ever bought this stuff before (or looked at the bottles) you will notice there is usually a little story on the back of the bottle. I'm posting the most epic story of all, because it is either the best or the worst thing I've ever read.

The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race Across the Boot of Italy

An armada of balloons loaded with Light Balsamic. The starter's gun- Bazoombah! They all rise majestically into the air. Newman's Own Balloon, with fewer calories, more taste, and secretly propelled by charity, flies faster than Kraft and farther than Wishbone. First across. First on the ground. El Piloto quaffs mucho quaffs of Newman's Own Light Balsamic in victory. A medium light Italian starlet, daughter of Butch Cassini, named Bitch Cassini, leaps into the balloon basket, kisses Piloto, her lips smeared with Newman's Own Light Balsamic, she murmurs, "You taste of Sicily, of Vesuvius, of Naples, baby", and patting his fanny she whispers, "and no fat."

I was wondering how anyone could possibly quaff salad dressing until I actually tasted the stuff. It's totally quaffable...

not that I did. No, really, I didn't! I'm serious.

..okay, I may have taken a little sip.

Anyway, these are the movies planned (if I can find them) for my theatrical movie marathon dedicated to the late, great Paul Newman.

The Sting
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Cool Hand Luke
Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Sunday, September 28, 2008

It was a dark and stormy night...


Ominously, it started storming out as I was preparing to post today's blog, so I think I will postpone it until tomorrow. I need to go buy some salad dressing first anyway.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Immortal McHorror burger is 12 years old, looks just like new


Karen Hanrahan has been using the same McDonald's hamburger as a prop in her "Healthy Choices for Children" class since 1996 -- 12 years! -- and it's hardly aged a day in all that time

That is horrifying. Good thing I'm not a fan of McDonald's...although to be fair, a Burger King hamburger would probably be exactly the same. Hey, I don't eat Burger King hamburgers! Score!

In other news...


Turns out Suzanne Vega is just as compelling a storyteller in prose as she is in song. Courtesy of the New York Times, here's her essay on the fascinating history of her 1987 song "Tom's Diner," from her composition of the tune in the Upper West Side eatery it later helped make famous

I, uh, didn't think anyone was actually waiting for this story to be told but....I guess it's a good story.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Entertainment Weekly Parodies Infamous New Yorker Cover


There's faux conservopundit Stephen Colbert, dressed as a smirking Michelle "Angela Davis" Obama, terrorist fist-bumping with his old Daily Show boss Jon Stewart, who is clad in Islamobama gear.

That's awesome, and serves as more proof that Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart rule. I even read Colbert's book (I Am America! And So Can You). I really need to renew my Entertainment Weekly subscription.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Global Media Sours on David Blaine's half-ass stunt


Yesterday we (and others) pointed out that "magician" David Blaine is a big fat cheater, because his current death-defying stunt—hanging upside-down in Central Park for 60 hours—involves hourly ten-minute breaks.

Blaine's flack said there was never any claim he would hang for 60 consecutive hours.

Somehow I'm not surprised. Now I'm really glad I spent the evening alternating between Bush's address to the nation and Futurama. What a waste of time.

Chromakey fail, teeth inquiries

Two new videos today! In the first, I spectacularly failed to completely understand how to do the chromakey thing. You'll be able to tell which clips are the ones I tried to do, because they look like shit.

Never mind about her teeth, Blogger's epic fail as a video host led to the audio for this being nonexistent.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Clay Aiken: Yes, I'm Gay; World: Yes, We Knew


Hahahahahaha. I remember being in high school when people first started speculating about Clay Aiken. Really, all you have to do is watch that episode of Scrubs he guest-starred in (which I will never forgive Scrubs for) and there you have it: He's gay!

Also, apparently Lindsay Lohan confirmed her relationship with Samantha Ronson last night on Loveline, of all places. Really LiLo, you could have at least chosen someone who doesn't look like a 13-year-old boy. I'm just saying.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Blaine Risks Blindness With New Stunt


You like to do stupid, dangerous stunts! WE GET IT! But there is no way in the world I am EVER calling you Batman.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Ashley Olsen Fires Mary-Kate (Maybe)


Some sketchy reports are coming rumbling down the wire that Ashley Olsen, young billionaire and entrepreneur, has fired her twin sister Mary-Kate from their clothing line The Row. That's their couture collection, which is mostly made up of repurposed Two of a Kind scripts and strips of leather cut from the boots used in How the West Was Fun. Reportedly Ashley was fed up with Mary-Kate's hard partying ways.

I really hope this is true, because it's hilarious. I know I'd fire my twin sister for her hard-partying ways (if I had one).

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Police Raid Berwyn Heights (Maryland) Mayor's Home, Kill His 2 Dogs


A police SWAT team raided the home of the mayor in the Prince George's County town of Berwyn Heights on Tuesday, shooting and killing his two dogs, after he brought in a 32-pound package of marijuana that had been delivered to his doorstep, police said.

Who does this? WHO DOES THIS?

The investigation that led police to their house in the 8500 block of Edmonston Road began in Arizona, officials said. There, a police dog at a shipping facility identified the package as being filled with marijuana. Prince George's officers posed as deliverymen and brought it to Calvo's home.

Calvo said he came home early from work Tuesday. While walking the dogs, Calvo said, he noticed several black sport-utility vehicles and a woman parked in a car down the street.

As Calvo returned to the house, he said, he spotted the large package that his mother-in-law had told a deliveryman to leave on the porch. He placed it on a buffet table near the front door and went upstairs to change.

Moments later, just after he had undressed, Calvo said, he heard his mother-in-law scream that someone was coming toward the house. He looked out his bedroom window and saw officers in SWAT gear running across the lawn.

As the police came in, Calvo said, they shot his 7-year-old black Labrador retriever, Payton, near the front door and then his 4-year-old dog, Chase, also a black Lab, as the dog ran into a back room. Walking through his house yesterday, Calvo pointed out a bullet hole in the drywall where the younger dog had been shot.

Nice one, guys. You broke into the unsuspecting mayor's house and shot a couple of dogs that weren't even trying to attack you. But instead of looking tough and cool, you just look like douchebags. Maybe the guy knew the box was full of weed, maybe not, but you should have just knocked on the door.

Police said yesterday that, when they seized the package during the raid, it was unopened.

"You can't tell me the chief of police of a municipality wouldn't have been able to knock on the door of the mayor of that municipality, gain his confidence and enter the residence," Murphy said. "It would not have been a necessity to shoot and kill this man's dogs."

Judy Reyes Leaving Scrubs


``Scrubs'' co-star Judy Reyes is leaving the half-hour comedy after this season -- and she won't be surprised if others go with her.

According to the article, Bill Lawrence is leaving the show too - but I read in another article that he wants the show to go on forever or, barring that, at least a 9th season. I dunno, I really love this show, but with Zach Braff and Judy Reyes leaving, I'm thinking it would be better to end the show after season 8. How do you keep doing a show without its main star? By changing to a rotating cast and ending up like ER, that's how. No one cares about ER. Just end the show now and everyone (or almost everyone) will be happy.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Fun With Final Cut Pro!

So today I learned how to use Final Cut Pro to make a video. The process was kind of complicated at first but got easier as I went on. It seems to be pretty cool and I'm looking forward to making more videos eventually.

I didn't mind being on camera, except that I need to talk louder (as always). I will eventually be posting more videos as the semester progresses, so don't fret! You will see more of me (probably awkwardly speaking lines and making a total fool of myself)! And then I'll magically become a major movie star.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This Shout ad made me laugh


Did you know that some colors run every time you do the laundry?


It's true.


And these loose dyes can easily discolor and ruin other articles of clothing in the wash.


But with Shout® Color Catcher™, you can help prevent color runs and protect clothes.

Oh, thank God.

Kate Moss apparently doesn't mind gasoline headaches


This just in: Kate Moss and 5-year-old daughter Lila found dead of carbon monoxide poisoning, Moss' intelligence proves lower than previously thought.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Rupert Grint loses a bet


Honestly, I can't think of a better punishment.

After replying to the text message, we found out that Rupert recently lost a bet to actor Robert Pattinson, who was once part of the Harry Potter cast in a previous film, and insisted that Rupert read the bestselling book. Rupert is now "stuck reading 'Twilight'" and that Rob was just texting him to see how far along he was getting.

I have sworn never to read these books, or give Stephenie Meyer my hard-earned money in any way possible. Unfortunately, I bought one of her other books before I knew just how bad the Twilight books would turn out to be. Hopefully I can sell it, or give it away, or something.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

James Franco mobbed by twats at Columbia University


The twits at Columbia can be so déclassé: as Vesal Yazdi wrote in the university's Spectator (and as noted by Page Six), they surrounded actor James Franco like cats in heat as he was trying to study in a campus cafe (he's going for his master's in writing at NYU.) They were "crowd[ing] around him and star[ing] into his face and the emails on his Mac..."

Lame. I mean, I agree that Franco's a good-looking guy, but come on, get a life! Just because the guy is sitting there doesn't make him fair game for asking to take a picture with him, especially if he's doing homework. Of course, according to the article, the girls were mostly freshmen, which makes sense.

My Advice To Freshman Girls: If you see someone famous (unlikely in this state),
do not approach them. Ever.
Why? Because it makes you look like a starstruck, selfish 14-year-old who just wants a brush with fame. Celebrities are people too, and that means give them some goddamn privacy.

Of course, if the famous person you see happens to be Paris Hilton or Stephenie Meyer, feel free to point and laugh.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


So, uh, I guess this is my first new blog post. I need to find something to write about...

Oh, here we go. So the world didn't end after all when they fired up the LHC earlier today.

GENEVA - The world's biggest physics experiment has succeeded in its first major test as a beam of protons was successfully fired all the way around a 17-mile tunnel beneath the Swiss-French border.

That's a relief. I was totally terrified that they would somehow create a black hole and destroy the earth in a fiery cataclysm of horror.

Two white dots flashed on a computer screen indicating that the protons reached the final point of the world's largest particle collider.

Okay, I may have been exaggerating about the "fiery cataclysm of horror". But this is still anticlimactic. Fortunately, we also have this website to confirm whether or not our worst fears have yet occurred: