Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Skyward Sword Chapter 8: Don't Bring Me Down, Groose!

Hello, dear readers, to chapter 8 of our rousing quasi-watercolor adventures, brought to you by the letter Q, or something. Let's quit with the excuses and skip right to the adventuring!

(But yes, I did listen to the ELO song while I was writing this post. Here's a link to the video, if you like ridiculousness. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x21d8b_elo-don-t-bring-me-down_music).

Okay, anyway. On with the show.

I had to go back to the Sealed Grounds to talk to the old lady. So there I was, minding my own business, falling toward Faron Woods, when suddenly...

Groose!? What are you doing here! No, don't...ah, man, you're going to screw this up for both of us.

He said "Help!" or something to that effect, in case you were wondering. Oh, Groose, you silly, silly man-child. Good thing I've got a Sailcloth.

So, we parachuted to the ground below, where Groose was in for a hard landing. In more ways than one!


And then Groose realized where he was...or wasn't...and totally lost it.

"Like, dude! I totally never would have guessed there was another huge world underneath my tiny one above the clouds! My worldview has, like, totally expanded!"

And then he saw a Goron.

"I'm freaking out here, man. Soon I'm going to be licking the walls and talking about how much I love bugs!"

And then he remembered I was there.

Yeah, because I happen to be The Hero (tm) and have important things to do.

He's a Goron. We're on the ground. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. Well, maybe.

Dude, you're freaking out a little too much. Just take your hands off me and we'll be okay. Got it?

So, I peeled Groose's hands off my arms one at a time. There you go. And then I started telling him what was up, but, this being a Zelda game, it just showed me talking to him while the camera panned upward.

Ha ha. He has birdies all over him. Wonder if they'll leave some "souvenirs" all over him too.


Ugh. Could you be more egotistical? I'm just going to walk away now.

Oh, no you don't. I'm not letting you steal my thunder!

And then he ran off to try to take over my quest. But I'm pretty sure the old lady in the temple (who I'm starting to guess the identity of) will set him straight. And sure enough...

He said, "Huh? You gotta be kidding me, Grannie!" in case you can't read that. And HA! The self-absorbed, egotistical jerk gets his well-deserved comeuppance.

But, predictably, he's just not getting it.

I hate to break it to you, but...


Look, lady. I figured out who Impa is already. And I'd bet you ALL THE RUPEES IN MY almost empty WALLET that she's Impa from the past and you're the Impa of the present. So shut up for a second so I can make Groose look like a moron! I mean, more of a moron than usual!

That's weird. Did you change your name to Fi all of a sudden?

Okay, whatever. Groose ran off to go cry in a corner somewhere while Not-Impa and I got down to the important business of saving the world by strumming a harp. I had to "strum" (swing the Wii-mote) in time with the pulsing beams of light so she could sing her old-lady song, and then suddenly it became the Ballad of the Goddess. Okay, I have to admit, this part of the game was really cool, what with the energetic music and sweeping camera views and all.

Here's a handy video I found of this part of the game:

Okay, anyway. So that was cool.

Yay, a song I don't actually play! Cool...?

No, really? I never would have thought of that. I thought it was just a normal harp. Carry on! Wait, what's this thing that just came up out of the floor?

Oooooooh. It's all shiny.


But before I could get too excited, everything started shaking, and Presumably Old-Impa was forced to cut her sentence short-

Looks like I better get outside and see what the problem is. Geez, do I have to do everything around here?

Groose, who was outside crying, presumably, started freaking out again as soon as I got out the door.

I don't have time to hug you and tell you everything's going to be okay! I've got work to do here!


The ground looks like a candy cane. A horrible, horrible candy cane. This can't be good.




I...oh. Th...that's what its full body looks like? Uhhhhh...

I'm going to go ahead and declare this the "Least Intimidating Boss Ever." Especially considering what I had to do to defeat it. I had to chop his toes off to make him fall down, then hit the spike in his forehead with my sword and drive the spike back into his head. Ummmm...yeah. And occasionally he would turn red and...somehow...slide his way up the path without standing up.

Weird...and ridiculous. Oh well. Eventually I defeated him, and he turned into a little ball of light, which exploded, giving us a nice hyperspace effect for a second.

And then the little bits of white turned black...

...and fell into the ground, apparently, where the sealing spike was waiting for me to do...something.

Turns out I had to slash that triangle with my sword (one cut at a time) in order to...seal the spike again, or something.


The monster is sealed beneath the earth once again.

Let's see him try to break out of that.

By the time all that was over, Presumably Old-Impa had managed to hobble down to where I was so she could talk to me.

Well, I'm not that impressed. What a lame-looking monster. They made it look so intimidating in the previews, too.

"I'm still going with 'lame,' lady."

Of course it will. Where would our conflict be if it didn't? I'm guessing the game would be over if I'd actually successfully sealed the monster away forever.

Somehow I'm confident that I have plenty of time.

So then Groose ran off again and Presumably Old-Impa and I went back to look at the gate I raised earlier.

She told me the gate could be awakened with a Skyward Strike, but before I could actually do said Skyward Strike, she interrupted me and said I was still too weak. Or my sword, or something. Figures.

So I need to find some "sacred flames" to imbue my sword with power, so I can awaken the gate. Yay!

Of course, it was right about this time that Groose interrupted us to moan some more about how he had no purpose and he was so sad and if we'd just leave him alone he'd go outside and /wrists.

So, Presumably Old-Impa told me to go back to Skyloft and find someone who would know the lyrics of the Ballad of the Goddess. Right, I'll just go talk to Gaepora, then. But first...

And then he actually did run off to go cry somewhere. I found him pounding his head against this wall, cursing his lack of usefulness.

Come on, man. You can't have that much self-pity...

Fine. You just keep on doing your thing, man. Meanwhile, I'm going to go work on saving the world.

And that's where I end things for today. Next time: Trials and tribulations and...time limits? Whuh oh.


Styve said...

I wonder if Groose is Japanese for douche? "...silly, silly man-child" indeed! Did you get a Beauty and the Beast flashback with all the birdies on him? I think... *cue musical interlude* There's something there... and almost kind... but he was mean, and he was coarse and unrefined! But now he's dear and so... unsure. I wonder why I didn't see it there before? *end scene*

By the by, would've appreciated a spoiler alert for the whole "Grannie"=Impa revelation. I was still in ignorant bliss for quite awhile after the events of this posting. Mystery ruined. I was hoping maybe she was Zelda... or Princess Ruto('s ancestor...?)!

Definitely least. intimidating. boss. ever. I think the description of "giant muppet" was the most apt I've heard thus far. It is kind of satisfying to slash his toes up, though. Thank goodness that evil incarnate is sealed away FOREVER, right? Because obviously a tiny magical spike can hold in the muppet from hell without any problems, right??

adejaan said...

Sorry about the granny thing, but I don't actually know if that's who she really is, I was just speculating...but yeah.