Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Dragon Age: Origins Chapter 8 - What Would Andraste Do?

I know, I know, it's been three weeks since my last post (again), but I have an excuse this time. I was on vacation last week, and all my spare time went to preparing for my vacation the week before that (it's a long story). So, here's your next post, which will probably be shorter than usual. Le sigh.

Okay, anyway. Let's get this show on the road!

So, while our intrepid heroes were on their way to the party camp from the Tower of Magi, this happened.

What's this? Another narrative interlude in Denerim? What's happening this time?

Oh, it's Loghain and that slimy bastard Arl Howe, eh?

And yeah, not surprised at all that they want Loghain to step down.

Yeah? And whose fault is that? Because your hands look pretty bloody to me.

The way this guy talks, he's just begging to be run through with a sword. Please, Loghain. Do it for the people.

A solution? What kind of solution, pray tell? I hope it doesn't involve leeches. That never works.

Ohhh, an assassin. Pretty sneaky, Howe.

Of course, Loghain was a bit skeptical.

Argh! Howe is so oily! I can't wait to give him what he deserves! Uh...I mean ...I can't wait until he dies of natural causes.

Shut up, pipsqueak. War is expensive, and Loghain doesn't know if he should hire you or pin you to a wall right now. See?

Look at him, being all broody. He's totally wondering where the rest of the rum is.


I wonder if this mysterious assassin will be able to success in his mission. Probably not.

Whuh oh. Someone needs a hug.

Meanwhile, back in the land of the Grey Wardens on their way to somewhere:

ZOMG! We will help you, fair lady!

So we followed her, and...

So, uh...where are the people we're supposed to be helping?

Zoinks! It's THAT GUY! Quick, kill everyone!

But then a whole bunch of bandits came out from every conceivable hiding place in the area.

Okay, you can only see two bandits in that picture. Whatever; just take my word for it, okay?

And then those meanies tipped a tree over behind us so we couldn't get away. I had to dive out of its way before it crushed me!

That's it. You're all going down!

What a chump. Everyone knows saying things like that automatically means YOU LOSE.

Okay, let's wake this joker up and see what he has to say. He can at least answer for whatever they did to that poor ox in the background.

That's right, "Oh." You just got your whole squad killed because you're too dumb to know what a real ambush is. Now answer my questions.

Hurry up and talk!

That's right! You got beaten like a redheaded stepchild, Mr. Zevran. Now tell me why I shouldn't just kill you. Oh, and more importantly, who hired you?

Right, I should have expected that. But are you loyal to him?

Which you failed at, obviously. Um, so, what else can you tell me?

Okay, cool. So do you still think you can kill me?


So Zevran went on to talk about how his mother was a prostitute and he grew up in a whorehouse only to be bought by the Antivan Crows as a child and trained to be an assassin.

So...what you're saying is that the Crows keep you anesthetized with booze and sex to keep you from trying to break free from being a slave to them? Okay then.

What kind of a proposal? Because we don't have time to go take down the Crows for you.

Oh. I, uh...I'm not sure that's such a good idea. How do I know you aren't just going to try to kill me again later?

Oh. Well, I suppose I could think of it. It wouldn't be very nice to just slit your throat after all of this.

How do they even know you failed the first time? Do they constantly have someone keeping tabs on everything you do? That's my question.

Sounds good to me. Welcome to the crew! Just make sure you're actually loyal to me.

Like I said, how do they know you failed? Are they omnipotent?

Shut up, Alistair.

Yeah. Take that!

Uh, yeah, that was the idea.

Cool. Well, let's move on.

And that brings me to my stopping point for today. Sorry this was so short!

Until next time, heroes!

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