Sunday, May 27, 2012

Dragon Age: Origins Chapter 3 - Loghain, You Dirty, Dirty Bastard!

Previously on Operation Replay...

I went on an epic quest to find vials of darkspawn blood before finally being inducted into the Grey Wardens and then was summoned to a war council with the King and a lot of other important people. Along the way, I mouthed off to the King, killed a random prisoner, stole some stuff from the mage camp, met a strange woman and drank said darkspawn blood. Fun stuff! Okay, let's do this.

When I got to the war council, it was already underway, and Loghain and the King were arguing.

Don't mind me, I'm just walking right in front of the camera. Carry on.

Burn! Clearly Loghain's got some kind of beef with the king. This isn't going to blow up in everyone's faces at all!

Ohhhh, ZING. Everybody knows Loghain hates the Orlesians! You've totally got his number, Cailan.

I think you just don't want to accept help from people you helped drive out of the kingdom 30 years ago. Which is understandable.

And Cailan has his own evil plan, of course, but we'll find that out later. Much later.

And then they finally noticed I was standing there listening to them argue.

Thanks, man.

Oh, Loghain. When are you gonna lighten up and enjoy the glory for once? I'm thinking...never.


And I wonder who gets to light this beacon? Not the two Grey Warden underlings, I hope.

Aww man, We don't even get to go fight with the rest of the army? Lame.

Fine, fine, we can be the king's errand boys.

Oh, horror of horrors! That might make the King might actually take this whole thing seriously! We can't have that!

Oh, poor Cailan. If only you weren't so naive.

That's not ominous at all...

And with that, the war council was over and Duncan and I went back to the bonfire.

Of course, Alistair doesn't like the plan, so Duncan has to explain it all over again.

But Alistair is a whiner, so I had to yell at him too.

Because somehow I outrank Alistair, or something, even though he's been a Grey Warden six months longer than I have. Well, whatever.

And with that, it's time for the battle to begin. Alistair and I will be left on our own to make our way to the tower. Before Duncan leaves, though, he tells us not to screw this thing up. Good going, Duncan. Way to be inspirational.

Woo! Let the battle begin!

A thunderstorm came up out of nowhere, surprising no one.

That hound has a really goofy look on his face. I'd say he's looking forward to nomming on some darkspawn, but that would kill him, so...he's hoping to...get through the battle alive, I guess.

There's a Chantry lady doing the whole swinging-incense-burner thing. Cool, I guess.

Suuuuuuure it will. You just keep saying that.

And then the darkspawn showed up. All 900 million of them.

Okay, I may have exaggerated slightly. But still.

Some random guy prepared to signal the archers to fire on the horde...

...and then they loosed the hounds...

...and then the army finally charged...

...and then the darkspawn blew up one of the towers in the camp and it was our turn to start making our way to the tower. Woo!

So we made our way across the bridge, trying not to flinch every time a section of it got blowed up, and stopped at one point because there was a guy just standing next to one of the ballistas doing nothing.

Presumably he was firing the ballista, but heaven forbid they actually put in an animation of him doing it, so instead they just had the ballista just sitting there firing itself. Whatever.

So, we made our way across the bridge and to the entrance to the tower grounds, where we were stopped by some fleeing soldiers, who told us the tower had been overrun by darkspawn.

You tell him, Alistair.

Well, isn't that unfortunate? I guess we'll have to go clear the darkspawn out of the tower for you then, since you're all pansies, apparently. Here's a picture of us in front of the door to the tower (one of the guys who was fleeing was a mage and he decided to come with us).

And here we are fighting darkspawn in the tower's first room.

And here's a picture of a giant hole in the floor where I'm guessing the darkspawn made their entrance. You'd think they could have patrolled/guarded those tunnels a little better...

Alistair, of course, stopped and talked despite our need for speed.

Shut up, whiner!

Of course we will. Now let's go!

And here we are entering the third floor of the tower. Alistair had some wise words, as usual.

And when we killed the last of the darkspawn and got to the top of the tower, what horrible thing did we see?

Well, aside from Alistair's goofy hat (I decided a mage hat was better than nothing at all).

It's an ogre! And he's pissed off!

Here we are fighting it.

And here's the ogre right after we killed it, with Alistair about to jump on it in super-slow-mo and deliver the death blow. I always thought that was cool. Of course, it would have been cooler if I'd been the one doing it.

And then it was beacon-lighting time, as Alistair so helpfully informed us!

And here's the beacon! It looks...kinda underwhelming, really.

So we lit the beacon. And then it was cutscene time again!

And then, surprise of surprises...

Loghain, what are you doing?! I never thought you would betray us, not one little bit!

So the army left. And in the meantime...

Let's see how the battle is going with the rest of the army, now that they've been so kindly left for dead.

Ooh. Things aren't looking good.

Cailan, look out! THERE'S AN OGRE BEHIND YOU!

Oops. Looks like that's the end of Cailan. So much for fortune and glory.

Predictably, this pissed off Duncan, who went all stabbity on the ogre.

But Duncan is hurt too, and the army is being overrun. Thanks to that douchebag Loghain, no help is coming.

But the beacon is still burning...

...and Duncan's death is approaching.

And then there was a quick shot of our room on top of the tower being broken into by more darkspawn, who shot us. And then all faded to black.

Fade in on...


Where am I, and what the deuce just happened?

You saw me nekked?! Oh, the shame!

So are you going to tell me how the deuce I got out of there?


Loghain betrayed us? NO WAY!

That bastard, I should have killed him when I had the chance!

Sounds like the king got what he deserved for being an idiot, though. So how did your mom rescue us?

You must be raving, my good woman. If that were the case, how did she rescue the dog, hmm? Unless you're saying she picked him up in her beak? Preposterous! Where's Alistair?

Okay, you can quit your moping now. I'm alive; everything's going to be fine.

I know, right? Morrigan told me some ridiculous tale about Flemeth turning into a giant bird and rescuing us.

...Oh, great, you're falling for the legends too? Next you'll be telling us you're actually royalty!

Oh, don't tell me what my duty is. All I want to do is find my brother and then go home and hide. Somebody else can have this problem.

Ugh. You do have a point.

And then Alistair had a good idea for once! We should go talk to Arl Eamon!

And then Flemeth mentioned the Grey Warden treaties, which we apparently still have with us despite giving them to Duncan earlier.

Looks like we're all ready to go, then! We've got our treaties and the two of us. Three, if you count the dog. Oh, look, here's Morrigan come to bid us goodbye.

And then Flemeth said she was sending Morrigan with us, which wasn't pleasing news to her at all.

Buh...wha? You're sending a scantily-clad woman along with us on our adventures? That can only end badly, you know!

Well, I guess you have a point there.

Well, technically Morrigan is your gift to us, so doesn't that mean we owe you twice now? Well, whatever.

Are we all ready to go then?

Shut up, Alistair.

Well said.

And with that, we've reached the end of my post for today. Next time: Lothering! And assorted shenanigans therein. Until then, heroes!