Friday, March 16, 2012

Skyward Sword Chapter 16: I Finally Found Zelda and All I Got Was This Lousy Sword

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my latest blog post. Yay, it's getting more spring-like outside! Of course, that might negatively impact my posting activity, and that would be a bad thing. Let's hope I can keep to my strict once-a-week schedule for the time being. And without further ado...let's get on with things!

Having successfully obtained the last flame, I headed back to the Sealed Grounds to talk to the old lady.

Sweet! Now leave me alone so I can activate the Time Gate.

But as soon as I took the sword out, the ground started shaking ominously...

Oh, great. I have to defeat that thing again? What's with the rehashing stupid stuff here? I mean, really.

I appreciate your confidence, Groose, but...wait, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be outside crying about how useless you are? Clearly I've missed something. Well, there's a monster outside that needs to be dealt with...

Wow. That thing goes all the way around the Sealed Grounds. The whole "where did you get all the lumber to build that?" thing aside, I guess Groose found some brains while he was moping around out here. How convenient.

Herp derp. Well, I guess it wouldn't be Groose if he didn't name his huge, complicated invention after himself, after all.

Well, of course you did it by yourself. I'm having a hard time picturing the old lady being able to help you with anything. Unless she's a lot more sprightly than she looks.

Well, whatever. Let's go take care of the annoying, not-scary monster again.

It's The Langoliers Imprisoned...but this time, he has arms!

Really long arms. Well, whatever.

So my job was to keep the monster busy while Groose got his machine ready. Because he hadn't quite put the finishing touches on it, you see. This was accomplished by doing the whole "chop off the toes and then hit the sealing spike" thing again. But finally...

Awesome. Let's do this.

I feel like there was probably a different way to go about doing this, but I just did what I'd done before - chop off toes, hit the sealing spike, etc...except this time, the monster kept putting its hands on the edges of the ramp and trying to pull itself up. This is where the Groosenator came in.

So, I used the Groosenator to throw bombs at the monster every time it tried to climb up, which stunned it and allowed me to ride the air drafts up to its fingers and chop them off, or something. Rinse and repeat, and...

The monster is defeated yet again! Time to seal him in again.

And with a few slashes of my sword, I was done. Well, until next time, that is...

Okay, now I'm going to go activate the Time Gate, for real this time. Oh, wait, Groose wants to say something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a self-important douchebag. Get out of my way.

So what you're saying is that you could tell me more, but you won't're useless, apparently.

Oh, that sounds familiar. Let me guess. This eeeeeeevildoer's name wouldn't happen to be some variant of Ganondorf, now would it?

But you two are the ones standing here talking at me! Geesh. Fine, I'll Skyward Strike the Time Gate.

Ooh, cryptic. I think that might be the first time we've seen the Triforce and the bird thing together, maybe? I could be wrong.

So then the gate separated into a bunch of little blocks that slowly rearranged themselves...

...and got all glowy.

Pretty! Let's see what it looks like from a distance.

So is this gate going to show up eventually or...?

Ooh. That looks pretty cool.

That looks cool too. Okay...this thing has undergone, like, 10 transformations so far. Is it going to get done anytime soon, or should I go make a sandwich?

I'm thinking I should have gotten a sandwich.

So it's slowly getting fancier. Can I go in now? What are we waiting for here?

Uh, I'm not really scared. I'm just tapping my feet so it looks like I'm shaking, I guess. Come on, let's go already!

Oh, really? She's not going to leave right after I get there yet again, is she? If she tries to pull that crap again, so help me God...

Okay, maybe it's for real this time. Let's step through the gate and find out, shall we? Or is it still transforming?

Wait a second. Shouldn't Groose come with me?

Wow, really? You're seriously turning down the opportunity to find her, after you were so desperate to save her?, I guess.

...You're all right, Groose.

So. Let's get in the portal, assuming it's done with its transformations.

Are we ready? Will Zelda be on the other side? Is the gate going to transform again? Let's find out!

The gate turned black when I touched it. How strange.

Ooh, fancy! It looks like the gate from Twilight Princess. Are a bunch of Twili going to come out of it? I guess that would probably be too random even for this game.

Well, let's go inside and see what we find, shall we?

So I emerged from the Time Gate...and the first thing I saw was...Impa.

Spill the beans, lady. Where are we?

Ah, I see. Well, I guess we did go back in time, after all.

Okay, cool. Can I talk to Zelda now? Look, she's in that room over there!

Yay, I finally get to talk to Zelda!

Yeah, and? Can we make out now?

Okay, fine, talk some more. It's not like I care about the Triforce or anything...

Oh, right, the main baddie's name is Demise. Okay then.

I see. But what does any of this have to do with us?

Zelda went on to explain that the goddess had been badly wounded in her fight against Demise, and she wouldn't be able to stop him if he broke free again. Because just killing him is a grave sin, apparently. So she put a two-part plan into motion by a) creating Fi and...

Oh, really? And who was the lucky mortal who received the goddess's soul? I'm going to guess it was you.

I see. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Uh, okay. That doesn't really make sense, but whatever. Can we skip to the makeout session now?

...We don't get to make out, do we?

Yay, Impa saved you. Get on with the story!

So she explained that Impa found her when she fell to the ground, and explained who she really was, and told her she had to visit the statues at the sacred springs, which helped her remember who she really was. And then she started talking about Demise, but I'm not sure what she said, because I was too disappointed about the probable lack of makeouts.

Can I at least get a peck on the cheek? You know, as a reward for all the work I've done?

Well, what a surprise.

Blah, blah, blah. If we don't get to make out, I'm not interested.

That's a surprisingly evil smile you've got on your face there. You're not going to suck my blood, are you? Are you a vampire?

Okay, fine. Hurry it up, then.

Yeah, that's kinda what I figured. What did you do to my sword?

So it wasn't quite powered-up all the way before, I guess. Well, cool. Now it's all glowy.


And I'm one of those people, I presume?

Okay, cool. So...

Right. Because I thought you cared about me, and we were going to be together forever, etc.

Damn straight you did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. You did what you had to do, and I fell for it like a moron.

Uh oh.

And then a weird crystal shield thing appeared around her, and Link got all upset and ran up to it and started beating on it with his fists. Why are you upset, man? You don't even get to make out with her.

I see. So I'm going to be stuck in the friend zone for a thousand years. Is that what you're saying?

You are a cold, cruel woman, and I'll hate you forever.

So you're telling me there's a chance.

So I like sleeping. So what?

Fine, I promise.

You'd better not be old and wrinkly when I come back and wake you up after a thousand years.

Okay, fine. Have fun sleeping, goddess lady.

Gotcha. But what am I supposed to be doing now, exactly?

 want me to find the Triforce, and you think the key to finding it is somewhere in Skyloft. As is the Triforce itself. Cool. Hey, look, Groose came back.

What? You're not going back to Skyloft?

I...guess. Or maybe you're just weird.

I will. You know, since I need to go back to Skyloft anyway to figure out where the Triforce is.

But that brings me to my stopping point for today! Tune in next time as I search for clues about the location of the Triforce. Until then, heroes!

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