Thursday, August 25, 2011

Twilight Princess Chapter 12: Hero vs. Wild starring Link Grylls

I'll start off this post by saying I've never watched an episode of "Man vs. Wild" in my life.

Now then.

Last time I played, I was instructed to go to the Sacred Grove and find the Master Sword. After some deliberation, I eventually remembered where to go to get there - I forgot you have to go up by the entrance of the Forest Temple to get in there. So, I made my way to the Forest Temple.

When I got there, I encountered one of the monkeys from before being taunted by...straw men, or something. I forget what those things are called...

Anyway, I took them by surprise with my wolfishness and quickly dispatched them.

Just like before, the monkey was surprised that I helped her. Does no one ever help her with anything in her life? She's just a downtrodden monkey, being kicked at every turn?

Well, whatever. Since I'm such a nice guy wolf, she decided to help me by telling me where to go. Thanks, monkey.

Well, now we know where to go. Let's go, Midna!

Ooh, more rope-walking. Good thing Wolf Link has all the nimbleness of Walking on a rope. Do wolves ever walk on ropes? Has a wolf ever tiptoed across a rope? I'm thinking no.

Also, sorry for all the blurry pictures today. Clearly the excitement of playing Twilight Princess is fraying my delicate nerves.

Along the way to the Sacred Grove, I encountered another Howling Stone. This time we howled the Prelude of Light, wincing at Wolf Link's godawful howling. This is a concept that really should have been scrapped.

After the howling was over, we kept moving and eventually arrived at the Sacred Grove, or Lost Woods, or whatever this area is supposed to be. I don't know.

And then...I heard it. A trumpet, or whatever that instrument is supposed to be. It was my mortal enemy...a SKULL KID! I hate this guy! But not as much as I hate the mailman.

All blowing his horn and laughing like an annoying little kid and hopping around just out of reach. I'll get you, Skull Kid.

So the Skull Kid led me on a merry chase through the forest, occasionally summoning his minions to kill me. You know, all in good fun. The music for this area sounds like something straight out of Majora's Mask - I had to fight a wild desire to turn the game off. So I had to run through the forest listening for the Skull Kid's horn playing along with the music, then find him and bite him so he'd do that stupid laugh again and open a new section of forest to search through. Good times.

Finally we got to an arena where the Skull Kid just hung out and summoned ever-increasing numbers of minions. I had to bite him a couple of times to make him squeal and eventually he just took off. Yeah, that's right, run away.

In the next area, I encountered a couple of stone giants who had a puzzle for me to solve.

What are you, half octopus? Goofy statue...

Oooooookay. Yeah, this looks fun. Or not.

I'm not going to lie. I screwed around with the statues for a while, then gave up and checked my player's guide. I don't like these kinds of puzzles! They're not good for my self-esteem.

Anyway...victory! The door to the Sacred Grove opened.

And in the that the Master Sword I see?

Yes, I believe it is!

I like how the pedestal is just sitting there on the ground. No frills. It's just there.


That's kinda...weird. But cool nonetheless.

And with that, I'm back to being human!

Thoughtful Midna is thoughtful. Now I can use the Shadow Crystal to turn into a wolf whenever I want to! Yay!

And with was time to draw the sword from the pedestal. Be my cheerleader, Midna!

Yeah! I'm the real hero now, baby! Zelda, I'm gonna save you somehow!

Truly, I am...the Hero of Time Hero of...Something!

With this sword, I can take down any enemy with the greatest of ease!

Geez, Midna, don't look so surprised. You're the one who said I was special, in your backhanded-compliment sort of way.

Sigh. Of course you do. Okay, what do you want now?

You know what? No. No, I will not help you find your precious mirror. Why do you want it? So you can primp and pout about what you really look like? Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to know that yet. Dammit! Fine, I'll help you find your dumb mirror. Happy now? I guess I can spare some time now that the Master Sword is finally mine.

Midna's advice was to head for Castle Town, but first I decided to hit up the golden wolf right outside. This time, the dead hero grudgingly complimented me!

Cool. I learned the Back Slice ability and moved on. Yay, a move that's essentially recycled from Wind Waker. What else is new?

At the bar, of course, Telma had take the opportunity to show off her "goods."

Real subtle, woman. You realize this kid is like 15, right? Yeah...that's not gonna end well for you.

We went over and introduced ourselves, then took a look at the map on the table. Looks like we're supposed to head to Lake Hylia to talk to some guy...about going to the Gerudo Desert! Ooh, exciting.

This guy looks familiar.'s Rusl. What are you doing here, guy? Don't you have kids to take care of? And a pregnant wife? Get back home already.

After I was done talking to the freedom fighters, it was time to head to Lake Hylia. I made my way down to the lake, and after some slight ineptitude and falling into the water, I made my way to the guy I was supposed to talk to.

Auru, right. I knew his name started with an A. And yeah, of course I know Telma. She's only been throwing herself at me since the first time I met her.

Before he sent me on my way, Auru filled me in on what's going on. I'm being sent to the Gerudo Desert to look for the Mirror of an old prison? Oh, this is going to end well.

After Auru was done talking, he gave me a letter to give to Fyer and sent me on my way. Fyer, in turn, was kind enough to catapult me into the desert! Just what I always wanted.

Before I could head out, though, Midna stopped me for a heart-to-heart. Apparently her people did Bad Things way back in the day.

Bad Twili! Bad!

That's what you get for doing Bad Things, Twili. Let that be a lesson to you!

That wasn't all, however. Midna had a HUGE REVELATION to make!

Really? I never would have guessed that.

Turns out the shadow beasts are Twili who got turned into beasts by Zant. So...I've been murdering Twilight people every time I kill one of them as a wolf? That's...kinda disturbing.

Okay, well, let's move on. Yay, we're in the desert!

Yay, desert.

I had to find a little encampment and then kill the enemies there so I could commandeer one of the giant boars.

Then I had to use the boar to break down a bunch of gates so I could get to the next area! Wonderful. In the next area I basically had to fight my way through a gauntlet of never-ending enemies, shooting down archers, until I finally killed the last archer and the enemies stopped coming. And one of them dropped a key that led into a very dark area...that contained the Moblin guy I had two bridge run-ins with, plus a random boar. Lame.

As soon as he saw me he whipped out his axe and knocked me across the room with it.

Okay, you asked for it. It's beatdown time!

He was really easy to beat. Probably because I just stood behind him the whole time and hit him over and over with my sword.

He didn't bother to wait until I was done gloating before he got up and scurried off...and two seconds later the entire room burst into flames.

I had to get on the boar and crash through a series of gates to get to the the Arbiter's Grounds!

And that brings me to the end of today's post. Next time: Arbiter's Grounds!


Styve said...

"It was my mortal enemy...a SKULL KID! I hate this guy! But not as much as I hate the mailman."
Skull Kid: Creepier than tongue-face, stringy-slime-mouth Zant. F*** you, Skull Kid. Knock it off and get a job.

I, too, succumbed to the way of the guide to pass the octopus men puzzle. I'm in grad school; I don't have time for their shenanigans.

Where is the full backstory for the Maste Sword, by the by? All we got was "Go there. It will help." Apparently it was capable of some kind of laproscopic brain surgery to get that shard out of wolf Link's brain without damage... Or maybe the fact that Link agrees to help Midna is evidence of brain damage??

Wait... did we NOT know Midna was a twilight citizen?? Could've fooled me.

Confession: Definitely thought "I can just meander through the bublin campground and find that big guy and get this over with." Took about 50 bulbin guys attacking me with clubs and flaming arrows to remind me that the archer's had to go. Should've guessed by the over dramatic, slow motion camera angle of the first one dying after I sniped it...

Will that King of the Bulbins die or not?? Two chasm plummets and a serious master sword beat down, and he just limps away. So not fair.

Styve said...

Sub-comment on "It was my mortal enemy...a SKULL KID! I hate this guy! But not as much as I hate the mailman."
Jeez! That mailman gets annoying!! Maybe it's just because I've been swayed by your heavy disgust in this blog, but he really asks for the contempt with his yelling and holding me up and his "da dada da DA!" when he presents a letter. Dipstick.

adejaan said...

Yes, and his interrupting of the music. That's the worst part. Die, mailman.