I used a lot of italics and other font buggery this time, so if you're reading this on Facebook, go to the bottom of this post and click "View Original Post" if you don't want to have to deal with weird HTML sticking out all over the place. Also, this post is really long to make up for the shorter ones I've been posting lately!
Okay, anyway. First I had to stop at Windfall Island. I was one Heart Piece short of another Heart Container, and I was going to get that Heart Piece by hook or by crook. So I bought a whole bunch of Town Flowers and decorated the island with them. It actually didn't take as long as I thought it would.
I wonder what the villagers were thinking while all this was going on. "Why's that kid putting up those ugly flowers everywhere? Ugh, not the Joyous Volunteer Association again. I thought they learned their lesson last time we had to burn down all those overgrown weeds."
And of course, Zunari was over the moon that someone was actually buying his crap. The joke's on him, though, because I only bought the 10-rupee flowers from him instead of wasting my rupees on pinwheels. That's what you get for putting those pedestals up and expecting someone to put only the most expensive stuff in them!
Anyway, once I had my last Heart Piece, it was time to warp to Tower of the Gods, while the completionist in me gently wept.
Once I got there, I had to show my piece of the Triforce to gain admittance. Hey, if you claim to be the Hero, you gotta have the goods, yo.
The gods can't have any false Heroes up in here, or all hell would break loose. There'd be banana hammocks everywhere!
Sorry, I went all J.D. on you for a second. I'll try to keep that from happening in future.
So the gods accepted my proof of being the Hero and opened up the way to the bottom of the sea. I'm not sure why it didn't just stay open from last time, but whatever.
After that, the King of Red Lions happened to notice the Triforce of Courage shining on the back of my hand and went all magnanimous.
What's that? I'm the hero, you say?
Why don't you say that so
And as the triumphant music swelled, I knew I had secured my place in history as the Hero of Winds, having proved to this desolate world that there was a future for pointy-eared freaks like myself. As the
Wait, what's this? I don't even get to bask in my own glory for two seconds before you tell me I have to go back to Hyrule and check on the princess? FINE. WHATEVER.
Upon entering the castle, I found this travesty:
Oh, it's on.
Turns out the whole castle was vandalized. I guess Ganondorf just told his minions to go nuts on the way out. How do I know it was Ganondorf? Because when I got into Zelda's super-secret hiding place, she disappeared right in front of my eyes and then Ganondorf dropped two uber-Darknuts into the room and made me fight them. Of course, since I'm the exalted Hero of Winds, dispatching them was a piece of cake.
Afterward, I had to run straight out to Ganon's Tower to rescue Zelda, because apparently going back and finding an adult to deal with the problem is just not done. Why is saving the world always on the backs of children in this world? How depressing would that be? If you manage to grow up to be an adult and didn't manage to do any world-saving as a kid, your life is pretty much over.
Okay, anyway. Once I exited the castle by the back way, I encountered a magical shield blocking my path. Being the hero, I blundered right into it thinking it would just give way to my awesomeness. Not so much, it turns out.
You can kind of see the barrier in the above picture. Well, whatever. I hit it with my shiny sword and BAM! It turned into glass, or something, and shattered.
The result? A slightly less dark path to run down. Okay, cool.
So, I continued down the path, encountering progressively stronger enemies as I did so. I'm not really sure why Ganondorf would bother putting ChuChus in my way. I mean, what's the point? He did put another fancy Darknut right in front of the entrance to the tower, but all that did was slow me down a little. But then, nothing Ganondorf does ever really makes sense. All he'd have to do is make his minions not drop the things I need to beat him, and he'd win.
Once I got into the tower, I found myself in a room full of lava, rope bridges, and doors to other rooms. I had no memory of this at all. Then I remembered: you have to beat all of the game's bosses again to get into Ganondorf's lair. That doesn't remind me of Okami at all. I mean, Okami doesn't remind me of every Zelda game ever made at all. Or...something.
No, wait. I had to re-beat all of the game's bosses except the one in Tower of the Gods. I...guess that makes sense.
Well, whatever. I pressed onward.
You're supposed to be able to see Jalhalla in that picture, but everything's in black and white, plus he's see-through, so...yeah. Yay for the lantern!
I had to make my way across this room before I could get to the Kalle Demos re-hash. What fun!
Then, of course, I fought the boss again in glorious black-and-white (You can see it this time!)
Hmm. I just noticed the picture is tilted somewhat. Well, I guess that's what happens when you try to take a picture of oncoming death with the camera in both hands and the controller balanced in the crook of your arm. But the boss died eventually, so there's that.
Get a look at the next boss's Clue Tongue in black-and-white! Totally cool, right?
He managed to eat me at least four times, but at least he didn't get me with the tongue.
Here's a rare action shot of me being set on fire by Gohma, or Armogohma, or whatever its name is in this game.
So dignified. He flies through the air, in flames, with such grace.
And here's the perpetrator!
After I had all four bosses beaten, the magical door opened and I was able to enter Ganondorf's inner sanctum. The first place I encountered was a really long stairway with occasional landings. On each landing were some weak minions! As before, they fell before the might of my blade, and I made it into Ganondorf's inner-inner sanctum. After solving a puzzle involving candles and some switches, I made a scary-looking dark portal appear.
Apparently it's a portal back to the overworld. I have never, ever used this. I mean, why would I want to go into that? The King of Red Lions says Ganondorf "seeped" into the world above, like he's made of liquid or something. Do I want to "seep" back into the overworld? I don't think that's something I really want to risk right now. You know, since the future of the whole world depends on my success.
I decided to proceed to the room that had the switches in it, which contained a helpful reminder that the swords of Ganondorf's minions point the way to go. I'm not really sure why Ganondorf put this here if he didn't want me to succeed. Well, whatever. I leaped into the apparent abyss and was immediately attacked by a Phantom Ganon. I dispatched him in one hit, and went through the doorway his sword pointed to. Rinse and repeat about six times until I found what seemed to be the ultimate Phantom Ganon, who gave me THIS when he died!
This would have been useful a lot earlier in the game. But I guess it's kind of tradition by now to not give you Light Arrows until the game's almost over.
After I was done gloating over my newest prize, I decided to take a minute to gloat over my vanquished enemy's sword.
Then I went through the door the sword was pointing at, which happened to lead to the main room...where I was attacked by Phantom Ganon again. Huh. I guess the last guy was just the second-most-awesome Phantom Ganon. "Well, I'll just have to kill him again," I thought. I fought valiantly for about ten minutes, losing hearts like crazy and wondering why nothing I did to him was having any sort of effect, until the MASSIVE CLUE I got in the previous room finally beat its way into my head, and I shot him with a Light Arrow. He died immediately. Well, cool.
To get through the next door, I had to pick up the Phantom Ganon's dropped sword and hit the last remaining door with it. Being the awesome player I am, I
The next room was like something out of Sleeping Beauty. I struggled my way across the shiny water toward the bed...
...saw Zelda sleeping...
...and was then interrupted by Ganondorf being all broody.
He babbled about the gods abandoning us, and Hyrule being destroyed, and a few other things for a while, and then basically told me that since I got past all his other obstacles, I was truly the Hero of Time reborn, and, "Don't screw this up."
I may have paraphrased that a bit.
He told me not to screw things up. Then he turned into a giant puppet. I can tell this is going to end well!
I couldn't remember what to do for this boss. What else is new? I stumbled around for a while avoiding his attacks, and finally noticed his marionette strings and remembered what to do: use the Boomerang to cut the strings, and hit the pretty turquoise ball hanging off the end of the puppet's tail with Light Arrows.
I missed a lot. I may have had to drink the Blue Potion I brought along. Anyway, eventually I managed to hit the ball three times, and the puppet turned into a giant Ganondorf Spider that kept diving onto the floor trying to flatten me. Again, I couldn't remember what to do, and a bunch of Keese kept attacking me, which was incredibly irritating. Finally I remembered the significance of the shiny reflective water on the floor and realized I was supposed to zoom out with the camera, watch for the spider's turquoise-ball abdomen, wait for the spider to come down, position myself accordingly, and shoot it with more Light Arrows. Cool!
More wasted magic later, I finally hit the ball three times and made the Ganondorf Spider transform into a Ganondorf Snake, with the turquoise ball forming the end of its tail. I could actually remember what to do for this guy, probably because it was so hard the previous times I did it! I had to hit Ganon-Snake in the face with my sword. It would then stop moving for about two seconds, giving me
Anyway, after I vanquished Snake-Ganon, the real Ganon reappeared on the giant chandelier at the top of the giant room we were in, with Zelda in his clutches. He threw a few parting insults at me and then took off. I had to climb the rope hanging from the chandelier (about 100 feet in the air) and then make my way up the levels of the chandelier (another 50 feet) and then Hookshot my way out the exit at the very top of the room (another 50 feet or so). Falling from this height would be...not fun at all.
Finally I made my way onto the top of Ganon's Tower. Ganon greeted me by talking about the killer wind in his home country, the Gerudo Desert. Link is clearly having trouble understanding this. Probably because he has no idea what a desert is.
Finally he took a break from talking and beat me up for funsies. Child abuser.
Then he went back to monologuing about how the first person to touch the complete Triforce gets their wishes granted and...
It's the King of Red Lions! And you just got told.
Clearly Ganondorf has never read the Evil Overlord List, which states that an evil overlord should never waste time telling the hero his evil plan before killing him instead of just finishing him off and being done with it.
So, while Ganondorf facepalmed in anguish and then went completely insane (finally!), the King of Red Lions wished for a future for Link and Zelda, and maybe something else too...Oh yeah, hope. Anyway, then he disappeared somewhere after telling the gods to flood the land, and it was time for the ultimate showdown.
Zelda, that slacker, managed to wake up from being unconscious just in time to give me back the Master Sword while making a lame joke about oversleeping. Then she stole my bow somehow. What, did she rummage through all my stuff while the camera was focusing on Ganondorf and the King? Sigh...
Having stolen my bow, Zelda took charge of the Light Arrows while I swordfought Ganondorf, blades clashing and being all cool and stuff. At first Zelda just shot Light Arrows at Ganondorf, but after the second one hit him, he went over and beat her up a little bit before focusing on me again. After she woke up two seconds later (he beat her up right into a convenient waterfall), she decided the best plan of action is to shoot Light Arrows at me while I use the Mirror Shield to reflect them at Ganondorf. Well...okay. That kind of worked, although it took forever. I had to stand there keeping Ganondorf busy while Zelda slowly aimed at me, and then keep my shield raised so the arrow could reflect off it and hit Ganondorf. Fortunately, I only had to do it twice, and then...SWORD TO THE HEAD!
He totally didn't see that coming. Being insane, he just babbled something about the wind again, and laughed. Then he turned into stone!
Then the King of Red Lions showed up again (where was he during the fight?) and basically told us we needed to get out before the whole area fills with water.
Zelda tried to convince him to come with us, but he declined, saying the new world is for us. Well, she's just saying, we could use a leader....well, whatever. Die with your dead world then, jerk!
After saying our tearful goodbyes, Zelda and I floated to the surface and were greeted by the pirate ship and the rest of Tetra's pirates. By this time, Zelda had magically transformed back into Tetra. That's an interesting power she has.
In the heartwarming second-to-last scene, everyone on the pirate ship, including all of the pirates, Makar, Medli, Prince Komali and Aryll (hey, look who finally decided to show up!), waved happily at Tetra and me as we both just treaded water, completely ignoring the fact that Ganondorf just said no one can swim in the magical fishless sea. It's so heartwarming!
And...credits! I was always kind of disappointed that the credits are just a bunch of bubbles with pictures of all the characters, instead of something like the Ocarina of Time credits, which were really cool. Oh, and some of the bubble pictures repeat. I never noticed that before.
Here's a video for you, because the video I took of the ending scene was too long.
In the ending scene, Tetra and her crew sailed off with Link to find a new home. While everybody else was on Tetra's pirate ship, Link of course sailed in the King of Red Lions, which, sadly, was now just a boat. Everyone on the island waved goodbye, and the heartwarming music played, and everyone was sad because the game was ending. Even I was sad. Ah, nostalgia.
And...I'm now done with the first game on my list. Final time: 21 hours played and one death.
Actually, I'm not done, because I still want to complete the Nintendo Gallery. Well, I'm almost done. But I PROMISE my next post will be about Twilight Princess. You have my word.
Until next time, heroes!